Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by DavidT

Asian farts do not stink

DavidT — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 14:46:36 +0800

Asian Farts do not stink

By: Jenna (thanks)

A little old Asian lady goes to the doctor in China, and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't bother me too much...
my farts never smell, and they're always quiet. But I've been doing it very often."

The doctor asks her to explain more, and the old lady says, "In fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.
You probably didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and they're silent."

The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week.” The next week the lady comes back.

"Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Pulling Rank

DavidT — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 14:30:12 +0800

Now here comes another story from the internet. I hope no one
have put this up. If you do I'll withdraw. So here go:

Pulling Rank?
One foggy night, a United States Aircraft Carrier was cruising off the coast of Newfoundland and the junior radar operator spotted a
light in the gloom. Here is a transcript of what happened next.

The radar operator worked out that a collision was likely unless the other vessel changed its course. So he sent a radio message.
U.S. Aircraft Carrier Radar Officer:

Please divert your course at least 7 degrees to the south to avoid a collision'.

Back came the reply: 'You must be joking, I recommend you divert your course instead'.

The U.S. Radar Officer referred the matter to his superior officer. And reported the incident as insubordination.

As a result the Captain of the Air Craft Carrier sent a second message. 'I believe that I out rank you, and am giving you a direct order
to divert your course now!!!'

Canadian Radio Operator:

'This is a lighthouse. I suggest you take evasive action.'

Footnote to the lighthouse urban myth
The lighthouse story is an urban myth. Our friend Jackson heard a rumor that the story is discussed at the annual coastguard convention,
where the different versions are compared and scored. Apparently most versions are preposterous because the ship would have visual
contact with the lighthouse. However, if you add a fog to your version you gain credibility - at least in the eyes of the lighthouse keepers.

Temper! Temper!

DavidT — Mon, 03 Jun 2013 13:49:32 +0800

I just have to borrowed from a friend about. This refer to our Malaysian Home Minister.

Temper! Temper!
I have to tell these words to the freshly minted as the Home affairs minister.
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily, gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.
The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said “you have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.”

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.
I have to tell these in point black words to the freshly minted, home affairs minister of Malaysia.

Make sure you control your temper the next time you are tempted to say something you will regret later.