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        <title>Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by itsmelisa</title>
        <description></description>
        <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/</link>
        <lastBuildDate>Tue, 20 Oct 2026 12:08:27 +0800</lastBuildDate>
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            <title>Four guys joke..</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/594792</link>
            <description>There once were four guys. &lt;br /&gt;One guy was brought up in a hospital and all he knew how to say was &amp;quot;I did it&amp;#33; I did it&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Then there was a guy who was brought up in a restaurant and all he knew how to say was &amp;quot;forks and knives&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Then there was a guy brought up in a candy shop and all he knew how to say was &amp;quot;goodie goodie gum drops&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Then the fourth guy was brought up in a glade plug in store and all he knew how to say was &amp;quot;plug it in&amp;#33; plug it in&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;One day they all met in a park and there was this dead guy on a bench.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A cop walks up and says who did this and the first guy said &amp;quot;I did it&amp;#33; I did it&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;And the cop says how did you do this and the second guy said &amp;quot;forks and knives&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The cop says what do you have to say for your selves and the third guy says &amp;quot;goodie goodie gum drops&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Then the cop says you are all going in the electric chair any last words and the fourth guy says &amp;quot;plug it in&amp;#33; plug it in&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Itsmelisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Thu, 20 Dec 2007 13:48:03 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>A nice story..........</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/524261</link>
            <description>Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy,Bob. They loaded up Jack&amp;#39;s mini van and headed north.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;I realize it&amp;#39;s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I&amp;#39;m recently widowed,&amp;quot;she explained. &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Don&amp;#39;t worry,&amp;quot; Jack said. &amp;quot;We&amp;#39;ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we&amp;#39;ll be gone at first light.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, &amp;quot;Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Yes, I do.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Yes,&amp;quot; Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;I have to admit that I did.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bob&amp;#39;s face turned red and he said, &amp;quot;Yeah, sorry, buddy. I&amp;#39;m afraid I did.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Why do you ask?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;She just died and left me everything.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Chahat&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:27:57 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Its not a adult joke&amp;#33;</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/490736</link>
            <description>Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third&amp;#33;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER&amp;#39;S ASS SHOWS.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The paper read: PREACHER&amp;#39;S ASS OUT IN FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER&amp;#39;S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for &amp;#036;10.00.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The next day the headline read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR &amp;#036;10.00. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains, and let it go.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Next day, the headline in the paper read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Thu, 19 Jul 2007 19:57:59 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Elderly propose for marriage</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/480162</link>
            <description>There were these two elderly people living in a Florida old age home.&lt;br /&gt;He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for&lt;br /&gt;a number of years.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now, one evening, there was a community supper in the big activity center.&lt;br /&gt;These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal&lt;br /&gt;went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up&lt;br /&gt;his courage to ask her, &amp;quot;Will you marry me?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;After some &amp;#39;careful consideration,&amp;#39; she answered, &amp;quot;Yes, I will.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to&lt;br /&gt;their respective rooms. Next morning, he was troubled. &amp;quot;Did she say &amp;#39;yes&amp;#39;&lt;br /&gt;or&lt;br /&gt;did she say &amp;#39;no&amp;#39;?&amp;quot; He couldn&amp;#39;t remember. Try as he would, he just could not&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;recall.Not even a faint memory. When he tried to see her, he found that&lt;br /&gt;she had gone to visit her daughter.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he&lt;br /&gt;explained to her that his memory was not as good as it used to be. Then&lt;br /&gt;he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a&lt;br /&gt;little more courage, he then inquired of her, &amp;quot;When I asked if you would&lt;br /&gt;marry me, did you say &amp;#39;Yes&amp;#39; or did you say &amp;#39;No&amp;#39;?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He was delighted to hear her say, &amp;quot;Why, I said, &amp;#39;Yes, I will&amp;#39; and I meant&lt;br /&gt;it with all my heart.&amp;quot; Then she continued, &amp;quot;And I am so glad that you&lt;br /&gt;called, because I couldn&amp;#39;t remember who had asked me.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Thu, 28 Jun 2007 18:43:48 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>How to put the right person in the right chair?</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/477832</link>
            <description>Does your Company have a problem in recruiting the&lt;br /&gt;right person for the right chair? If yes, try this&lt;br /&gt;simple experiment.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a&lt;br /&gt;closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3&lt;br /&gt;candidates into the room and close it from outside.&lt;br /&gt;Leave them alone and let them think n come back after&lt;br /&gt;6 hours, and then analyze the situation:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are counting and recounting the number of&lt;br /&gt;bricks&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are arranging the bricks in some other order&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN PLANNING.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are throwing the bricks at each other&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are sleeping&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN SECURITY.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they have broken the bricks into pieces&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are sitting idle&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they have thrown the bricks out of the window&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are clinging onto the bricks&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN TREASURY.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they say they have tried different combinations,&lt;br /&gt;yet not a brick has moved&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN SALES.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they have already left for the day&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN MARKETING.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are staring out of the window&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;AND last but not least....&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;If they are talking to each other and not a brick has&lt;br /&gt;moved&lt;br /&gt;PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Sun, 24 Jun 2007 19:10:01 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>The funny job test:::</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/473340</link>
            <description>Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: &amp;quot;What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Tom says: &amp;quot;I would switch one train to another track.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;What if the lever broke?&amp;quot; asks the inspector.&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Then I&amp;#39;d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there&amp;quot;, answers Tom.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;What if that had been struck by lightning?&amp;quot; challenges the inspector.&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Then,&amp;quot; Tom continued, &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;What if the phone was busy?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;In that case,&amp;quot; Tom argued, &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station&amp;quot;.&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;What if that had been vandalized?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Oh well,&amp;quot; said Tom, &amp;quot;in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo&amp;quot;.&lt;br /&gt;This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, &amp;quot;Why would you do that?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Because he&amp;#39;s never seen a train crash.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Fri, 15 Jun 2007 17:47:33 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Annual idiot award 2006</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/472797</link>
            <description>Annual Idiot Awards for the year 2006&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Number One Idiot of 2006&lt;br /&gt;I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.&lt;br /&gt;Here&amp;#39;s your award, lady. Wear it with pride.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Number Two Idiot of 2006&lt;br /&gt;Early this year, some airline employees on the airfield decided to Steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed with the airline.&lt;br /&gt;Here&amp;#39;s your award, guys. Don&amp;#39;t get it wet; the paint might run.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Number Three Idiot of 2006&lt;br /&gt;A true story out of San Francisco : A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America , walked into the branch and wrote &amp;quot;this is a stickup. Put all your muny in this bag&amp;quot; While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller&amp;#39;s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo . After waiting a Few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.&lt;br /&gt;She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn&amp;#39;t the brightest light in the street told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, &amp;quot;OK&amp;quot; and left. He was Arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America .&lt;br /&gt;Don&amp;#39;t bother with this guy&amp;#39;s award. He probably couldn&amp;#39;t read it anyway.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Number four Idiot of 2006&lt;br /&gt;Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he&amp;#39;d just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexible Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.&lt;br /&gt;Oh, that&amp;#39;s smart. Give him his award.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Number Five Idiot of 2006&lt;br /&gt;A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, &amp;quot;Because I don&amp;#39;t believe you are over 21. The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn&amp;#39;t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver&amp;#39;s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.&lt;br /&gt;This guy definitely needs an award&amp;#33;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Idiot Number Six of 2006&lt;br /&gt;A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.&lt;br /&gt;The first one shouted, &amp;quot;Nobody move&amp;#33;&amp;quot; When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him This guy doesn&amp;#39;t need an award, he probably figured it out himself&amp;#33;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Thu, 14 Jun 2007 17:54:38 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Funny joke</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/471029</link>
            <description>When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver&amp;#39;s side door.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. &amp;quot;Hey,&amp;quot; I announced to the mechanic, &amp;quot;It&amp;#39;s open&amp;#33;&amp;quot; To which he replied, &amp;quot;I know - I already got that side&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Mon, 11 Jun 2007 18:11:05 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>No need to help her...</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/469709</link>
            <description>A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The wife cried, &amp;quot;What are we going to do?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Nothing,&amp;quot; said the hunter husband. &amp;quot;The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Fri, 08 Jun 2007 18:58:48 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Two funny jokes in this thread...</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/468645</link>
            <description>A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Now, class. Observe closely the worms,&amp;quot; said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?&amp;quot; the professor asked.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, &amp;quot;Drink whiskey and you won&amp;#39;t get worms.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------&lt;br /&gt;A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.&lt;br /&gt;They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.&lt;br /&gt;The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.&lt;br /&gt;The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.&lt;br /&gt;He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.&lt;br /&gt;He told his wife, &amp;quot;There&amp;#39;s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered&amp;#33; Have you been fooling around behind my back?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;The wife smiled sweetly and replied, &amp;quot;&amp;#33; Not this time&amp;#33;&amp;quot; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Wed, 06 Jun 2007 19:17:56 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>How to test that who is the intelligent...</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/467042</link>
            <description>While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bush asks how she knows if they&amp;#39;re intelligent.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;I do so by asking them the right questions,&amp;quot; says the Queen. &amp;quot;Allow me to demonstrate.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, &amp;quot;Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Tony Blair responds, &amp;quot;It&amp;#39;s me, ma&amp;#39;am.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir,&amp;quot; says the Queen. She hangs up and says, &amp;quot;Did you get that, Mr. Bush?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bush nods: &amp;quot;Yes ma&amp;#39;am. Thanks a lot. I&amp;#39;ll definitely be using that&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he&amp;#39;d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, &amp;quot;Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Why, of course, sir. What&amp;#39;s on your mind?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bush poses the question: &amp;quot;Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Helms hems and haws and finally asks, &amp;quot;Can I think about it and get back to you?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Now look here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Powell answers immediately, &amp;quot;It&amp;#39;s me, of course.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, &amp;quot;I know the answer, sir&amp;#33; I know who it is&amp;#33; It&amp;#39;s Colin Powell&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;And Bush replies in disgust, &amp;quot;Wrong, it&amp;#39;s Tony Blair&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Sun, 03 Jun 2007 18:36:27 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Some funny jokes here&amp;#33;</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/465732</link>
            <description>A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die and go to heaven.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who then says, &amp;quot;Sorry, heaven&amp;#39;s crowding up, so you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can&amp;#39;t get in.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He looks at the teacher, and asks her: &amp;quot;What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?&amp;quot; &amp;quot;Oh, that&amp;#39;s easy,&amp;quot; the teacher replied, &amp;quot;the Titanic.&amp;quot; So St. Peter let her into heaven.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Next he turned to the petty thief. &amp;quot;How many people died on that ship?&amp;quot; St. Peter asked. &amp;quot;Oooh, that&amp;#39;s tough, but I saw the movie, and it was 1, 500.&amp;quot; St. Peter stepped away and the thief walked into heaven.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Finally, St. Peter turned to the lawyer. He simply said to him: &amp;quot;Name them.&amp;quot; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and cries - &amp;quot;DOC, DOC...I can&amp;#39;t feel my legs, I can&amp;#39;t feel my legs&amp;#33;&amp;#33;&amp;#33;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Well of course you can&amp;#39;t silly&amp;#33;&amp;quot;, replies the Doc... &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;ve cut off both of your arms.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Thu, 31 May 2007 20:13:34 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Back on your heads now</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/465128</link>
            <description>A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The guy says &amp;quot;no, let me see the next room.&amp;quot; In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The guy says, &amp;quot;I pick this room.&amp;quot; Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. &lt;br /&gt;On the way out Satan yells, &amp;quot;O.K., coffee break&amp;#39;s over. Everyone back on your heads&amp;#33;&amp;quot; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Wed, 30 May 2007 18:22:21 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Top 5 Smartest Answers</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/464628</link>
            <description>1)  It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. &amp;quot;Would you like dinner?&amp;quot; the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. &amp;quot;What are my choices?&amp;quot; John asked. &amp;quot;Yes or no,&amp;quot; she replied.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;2)  A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, &amp;quot;Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;3)  A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn&amp;#39;t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, &amp;quot;Do these turkeys get any bigger?&amp;quot; The stock boy replied, &amp;quot;No ma&amp;#39;am, they&amp;#39;re dead.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;4)  The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;ve been waiting for you all day,&amp;quot; the cop said. The kid replied, &amp;quot;Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.&amp;quot; When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;5)  A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, &amp;quot; Low Bridge Ahead.&amp;quot; Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, &amp;quot;Got stuck, huh?&amp;quot; The truck driver says, &amp;quot;No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Tue, 29 May 2007 20:21:43 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>If You Try To Be Over Talented&amp;#33;</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/457407</link>
            <description>The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He can't believe it, then it hits him. The pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people the poor and feeble ones.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Thinking fast, he gives the bum &amp;#036;20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the pope to stop and talk to him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I thought I told you to get the hell out of here&amp;#33;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Tue, 15 May 2007 18:57:48 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>How about keeping a pet for fun?</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/455036</link>
            <description>A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He&lt;br /&gt;went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy&lt;br /&gt;an unusual pet.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged&lt;br /&gt;bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house.&lt;br /&gt;He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;start off by taking his new pet to church with him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He asked the centipede in the box, &amp;quot;Would you like to go to&lt;br /&gt;church with me today? We will have a good time.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;But there was no answer from his new pet.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This bothered him a bit, so he waited a few minutes and then&lt;br /&gt;asked him again,&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;How about going to church with me and receive blessings?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. He&lt;br /&gt;waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He decided to ask him one more time. This time putting his face&lt;br /&gt;up against the centipede&amp;#39;s house and shouting,&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Hey, in there&amp;#33; Would you like to go to church with me and learn about the Lord?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A little teeny voice came out of the box... &amp;quot;I heard you the&lt;br /&gt;first time&amp;#33; I&amp;#39;m putting on my shoes.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Thu, 10 May 2007 19:33:02 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>-----Bobby&amp;#39;s letter for god-----</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/453955</link>
            <description>Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.&lt;br /&gt;His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.&lt;br /&gt;He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby&amp;#39;s mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.&lt;br /&gt;Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.&lt;br /&gt;Bobby&amp;#39;s mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.&lt;br /&gt;Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.&lt;br /&gt;Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.&lt;br /&gt;Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Letter 1&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dear God,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I want a red one.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Your friend,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby knew that this wasn&amp;#39;t true. He had not been a very good boy this year,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;So he tore up the letter and started over.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Letter 2&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dear God,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Your friend,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby knew that this wasn&amp;#39;t true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Letter 3&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Dear God,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Letter 4&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;God,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I know I haven&amp;#39;t been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Please&amp;#33; Thank you,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby&amp;#39;s mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby&amp;#39;s mother told him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He looked around to see if anyone was there.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bobby began to write his letter to God.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;************ **&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Letter 5&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;God,&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;I&amp;#39;VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE&amp;#33;&amp;#33;&amp;#33;&amp;#33;&amp;#33;&amp;#33; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Tue, 08 May 2007 19:06:55 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>Funny one read this out</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/453389</link>
            <description>One night, a delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above new jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, michael jordan, bill gates, the dali lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Gentlemen,&amp;quot; he began, &amp;quot;i have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we&amp;#39;re about to crash in new jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and i have one of them&amp;#33;&amp;quot; With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Michael jordan was on his feet in a flash. &amp;quot;Gentlemen,&amp;quot; he said, &amp;quot;i am the world&amp;#39;s greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world&amp;#39;s greatest athlete should have a parachute&amp;#33;&amp;quot; With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Bill gates rose and said, &amp;quot;gentlemen, i am the world&amp;#39;s smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world&amp;#39;s smartest man should have a parachute, too.&amp;quot; He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The dali lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the dali lama spoke. &amp;quot;My son,&amp;quot; he said, &amp;quot;i have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of true enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and i will go down with the plane.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The hippie smiled slowly and said, &amp;quot;hey, don&amp;#39;t worry, pop. The world&amp;#39;s smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Mon, 07 May 2007 18:36:06 +0800</pubDate>
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            <title>A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/451950</link>
            <description>A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as president clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, &amp;quot;now, there&amp;#39;s the biggest horse&amp;#39;s ass i&amp;#39;ve ever seen.&amp;quot; A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, hillary clinton appeared on the television. &amp;quot;She&amp;#39;s a horse&amp;#39;s ass too,&amp;quot; the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. &amp;quot;Damn it&amp;#33;&amp;quot; The man said, climbing back up to the bar. &amp;quot;This must be clinton country&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;quot;Nope,&amp;quot; the bartender replied. &amp;quot;Horse country&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Fri, 04 May 2007 19:20:54 +0800</pubDate>
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        <item>
            <title>This could happen to u also&amp;#33;</title>
            <link>http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/450950</link>
            <description>Can delete this if its posted already&amp;#33;&amp;#33;&lt;br /&gt;--------------------------------------------------------&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator: &amp;quot;Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your...&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;Hello, can I order..&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;It&amp;#39;s eh..., hold.......... on......889861356102049998-45-54610&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;OK... you&amp;#39;re... Mr Franklin and you&amp;#39;re calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094&amp;#33; 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;Home&amp;#33; How did you get all my phone numbers?&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;We are connected to the system Sir&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;May I order your Seafood Pizza...&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;That&amp;#39;s not a good idea Sir&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;How come?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;What?... What do you recommend then?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You&amp;#39;ll like it&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;How do you know for sure?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;You borrowed a book entitled &amp;quot;Popular Hokkien Dishes&amp;quot; fromcv the National Library last week Sir&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is &amp;#036;49.9&amp;#33; 9&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;Can I pay by&amp;#33; credit card?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;I&amp;#39;m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank &amp;#036;3,720.55 since October last year. That&amp;#39;s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;You can&amp;#39;t Sir. Based on the records, you&amp;#39;ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;Never mind just send the pizzas, I&amp;#39;ll have the cash ready.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;How long is it gonna take anyway?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can&amp;#39;t wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle...&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot; What&amp;#33;&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123...&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot; ????&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;Is there anything else Sir?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: &amp;quot;Nothing.&amp;#33; .. by the way... aren&amp;#39;t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator : &amp;quot;We normally would Sir, but based on your records you&amp;#39;re also diabetic....... &amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: #&amp;#036;&amp;#036;^%&amp;amp;&amp;#036;@&amp;#036;%^&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Operator &amp;quot;Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?&amp;quot;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Customer: [Faints...]&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;----------&lt;br /&gt;- Lisa&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;Only The Best Funny Jokes:&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href='http://www.onlybestjokes.com' target='_blank'&gt;http://www.OnlyBestJokes.com&lt;/a&gt;</description>
            <author>itsmelisa</author>
            <category>Jokes Heaven</category>
            <pubDate>Wed, 02 May 2007 19:14:53 +0800</pubDate>
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