Expenses for wedding depressed me

Near — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 00:02:53 +0800

I am a Chinese guy who is planning to marry my gf. I recently proposed to my girlfriend and we are planning for the wedding now. As we progress further, I realized that there are more unexpected costs that we need to fork out (more specifically, the guy will has to fork up for majority of it). As the figure get bigger and bigger, I feel more uneasy and not comfortable.

In my understanding, marriage was suppose to be something wonderful, where both parties work together toward a better future. However when I was being told the "cultures of marriage", it literally stunned me and renewed my understanding. Just to quote a few sentences from my gf:

1. "Guy should have no say on the planning etc (e.g. pre-wedding photographer), by right the guy should just pay for whatever requests the girl make."

2. "I will not accept too low a wedding offer. The market standard is RM10k, and I will not accept anything lower. I am not that cheap"

3. When I asked for wedding offer indication, the reply I receive was "girl side normally doesn't indicate the budget, the figure solely depends on the sincerity of the guy family. Some people rm10k, some rm20k."

4. "Don't tell me that you only plan to marry me with a diamond ring?" She wants to have another necklace or bracelet too.

5. "I will want to have two wedding dinners, one in your home town and one in mine. When my family and friends visit your hometown for the wedding dinner, the hotel and other expenses will be paid by the guy side"

6. "When your family comes to visit my family to discuss about the details, you can submit a list to my mum, mentioning all the items that your side will gift to my family. For example, roast pig, big biscuits etc. If my mother deem anything missing, she will highlight to you".

Before we proceed further, I gotta highlight that my gf is not someone who is greedy or very materialistic or after my money. In fact, normally both of us will try not to spend too much, although sometimes she will have the desire to buy expensive things like iPad etc, while I am the stingy guy who try to save everybit possible.

I get helpless and confused when I am being bombarded by all these culture thingy. Up to a point that I feel depress and frustrated. Time is bad now, many people have lost their jobs, business aren't good and I am having the fear of my company might not survive too. One hand I am trying hard to maintain my income, the other hand I was being informed the figures that I will need to fork up for this exercise.

Just a guy thinking, I wouldn't feel so pain if these money were to spend on our new house furniture and renovation. These are something tangible that improve the quality of our future life. All these wedding things were merely a show to entertain ourselves. Why bother to throw these money to drain? On the other hand, I tried to comfort myself that this is one in a lifetime moment for her, just do whatever she want.

It is futile for me to discuss about this issue with my gf. I tried to voice out my opinion that "time is bad, I prefer if we can spend less on the wedding". I am sure many guys can relate, it didn't end well. "You told me that you have saving, that's why I said yes to you!", this answer broken my heart. Yes, I have saving, but it doesn't mean I shall deplete all my saving immediately. There are more things coming after the wedding, we need to spend on house, children, their education, standby for job loss etc.

Honestly, no more fantasy left for me to fantasize about wedding anymore. I see it as something hideous, trying to kill young people and new family. This might be a norm which everyone finds it normal but I find it hard to swallow.

Any suggestion or insight for me? I find it wrong for me to think so badly of marriage, we have yet to walk to first step!

Am I being too cheap?

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Expenses for wedding depressed me