Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by guest19

Inventory

guest19 — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 18:52:42 +0800

Hey,got inventory this kind of job ma?Isnt it is produce those new product and something like event?

Data Entry

guest19 — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 14:40:13 +0800

Can anyone tell me "Data Entry" is work as what?I mean what kind of job their will do.Cos i not really understand what kind of work their will do.Thanks

International Joke off

guest19 — Sat, 17 Jun 2006 15:04:21 +0800

The Top Joke in England:
=====================

Two weasels are sitting on a barstool. One starts to insult the other
one.
He screams, "I slept with your mother!"

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel
will do.

The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"

The other says, "Go home dad, you're drunk."

Top Joke in Wales
===============

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when a gang of snails
mugged
him.

A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could
explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and
replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."

Top Joke in Northern Ireland
=======================

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.

'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.

The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.

'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be
worse?'

The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

Top Joke in Scotland
================

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming
in
terror like his passengers.

Top joke in UK
==========

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the
ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman stamps down to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She
says
to a man next to her: "That driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off love, go ahead
and
I'll hold your monkey for you."

Top joke in USA
===========

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One
of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral
procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes
off
his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I
have
ever seen. You truly are a kind man.

The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married for 35 years."

Top joke in Canada
==============

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered
that
ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem,
NASA
scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes
in
zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including
glass
and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Top joke in Australia
==================

This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all
strung out.

She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this
morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled
up, my
skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging
out, and
I had this corpse-like look on my face!

"What's WRONG with me, Doctor?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says:
"Well,
I can tell you that there isn't anything wrong with your eyesight...."

THE WINNING JOKE
=============

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them
falls
to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled
back in
his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency
services. He
gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can
help.
First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

SECOND PLACE
==========

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner
and
a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson,
look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that
there
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I
deduce
that the time is approximately a quarter past three. !
Meteorologically, I
suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I
can see
that God is all-powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant
part of
the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes silently fuming says: "Watson, you are an idiot! Someone has
stolen
our tent!" *

This joke is good, pls don't laugh too loud.....

guest19 — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 17:16:50 +0800

One Chinese man walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here!."

"The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese!". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship!. You idiot!"

"Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same!!!"

Malaysia vs Singapore - Why we Fail

guest19 — Thu, 18 May 2006 18:55:21 +0800

SECRETARY 'S RESUME

guest19 — Tue, 16 May 2006 17:59:55 +0800

AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean.

guest19 — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 00:03:32 +0800

> AH BENG the Crazy Singaporean.
> Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
> Because below 18 not allowed Lah !
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Ah Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
> Ah Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
> Salesgirl : "Yes !"
> Ah Beng : "Give me a green one, please "
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
> He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age,
> Address etc.
> Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure
> of the question.
> After much thought, he writes " Yes "
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
> Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
> Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
> Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"
> Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
> Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"
> The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermo flask
> Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
> Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
> Boss : "What does it do ?"
> Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
> Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
> Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares
> it with the original for spelling mistakes.
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks
> his picture is being taken.
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?
> Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
> When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help'
> command after some tries.
> Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer
> retailer for support.
> Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been
> over half an hour and still nobody come and help me Lah ?!"
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.
> The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he
> answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but
> instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it
> to my ear, lah" "Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ...
> what happened to the other ear ?"
> Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
> Ah Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
> Taipei
> AND LAS VEGAS ?"
> Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
> Ah Beng : "THANK YOU , lah" AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for
> quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a
> friend.
> "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Ah Beng brags.
> "FIVE MONTHS ? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
> "YOU ARE A FOOL." Ah Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN
> FOR 4-7 YRS".
> -------? ? ? ? ? ?-------
>
> At a bar in New York, the man to Ah Beng's left tells the
> bartender,
> "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE"
> and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
> The bartender approaches Ah Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
> Ah Beng replies : "Tan Ah Beng, MARRIED lah"
>

Why Chinese People shouldnt have English names?

guest19 — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 00:55:14 +0800

Why Chinese People shouldnt have English names at all!!

> Anne Chang (Mandarin)- Dirty
> Anne Chin ( Mandarin) - Keep quiet
> Faye Chen (Mandarin) - Dusty
> Carl Cheng ( Hokkien ) - Buttock
> Monica Cheng ( Hokkien) - Touching your
buttocks
> Lucy Leow (Hokkien) - You are dead
> Jane Tan (Mandarin) - Frying eggs
> Suzie Leow ( Hokkien) - Lost till death
> Henry Mah (Mandarin) - Hate your mum
> Corrine Tai (Hokkien) - Poor fellow
> Paul Chan (Mandarin) - Bankrupt
> Nelson Tan ( Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs
> Leslie Tong (Mandarin) - Rubbish bin
> Carmen Tng (Hokkien) - Leg hair long
> Connie Mah (Cantonese) - Call your mother
> Danny See (Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death
> Rosie Teng (Hokkien) - Screws and nails
> Pete Tsai (Hokkien) - Nose droppings
> Macy Koh ( Cantonese) - Never die before

5 cents more....Laugh as mush as u can

guest19 — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 21:13:54 +0800

This just-married Chinese coupled decide to make
love on their wedding
night in the hotel where they held their wedding.
The wife did not want to
get pregnant and requested the husband to buy
condom from the shop nearby.

When the husband went out, the wife waited
anxiously in the room with all
the lights switched off... While the husband was
out, an Indian thief came
into the room.

The wife did not notice and thought that it was her
husband. She grabbed
the Indian and happily screwed away.The wife was
so exhausted that she
fell asleep immediately.

In the mean time, the husband had a hard time
looking for a shop that sold
condoms and when he finally found one, he
realized that he had only one
20-sen coin.

He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of
condom and the shop owner
asked him which quality that he wanted.

"The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 sen each.

The black condom, average quality, is 20 sen each.

And purple condom, the highest quality, is 25 sen
each".

So, the husband chose the black condom as he
had only 20 sen with him.

When he reached the hotel, he found his wife
sleeping. Without a warning,
he jumped onto his wife and started making love.
The wife was surprised
that the husband was so energetic after the "first"
session.

A year later, the wife gave birth to a "black" baby
boy.

When the baby grows up, he asks the father, "Pa,
why am I black and you
are white?"

The father replied, "You are damn lucky already
boy......5 sen more and
you would be PURPLE now!!!!!!"

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahah........