just sharing my story and venting

Nivk08 — Sun, 25 Jan 2026 00:35:12 +0800

hi all,

recently got back to reading cupid corner in hopes of searching for solutions.
but this is just for me to vent/share and hoping other souls out there will learn from this.

tldr;
- been with gf from about 8 years where in the middle 3-4 years was semi LDR
- been on various trips together and made lots of precious memories

bit about me:
- I can't multitask, can't plan things perfectly to a tee that she expects me to
- can't remember everything down to the finest details which she doesn't like
- talk a bit too loud for her liking

about her:
- what can i say..she is work and study machine. in fact she's studying med related field now
- she seems to excel in everything she does from work to studies
- has strong mindset and personality
- prefers her way of doing things 99% of the time

what i tried over the years:
- pickup hobbies to match with her (worked well)
- try to reduce my pitfalls (talking more softly, using apps to take notes)
- try to plan things better

but ofcourse, there is only so much a person can do.

how i upset her:
- stupidly sharing my heart pains with my mum which got leaked to her
- trying to reach out to her via her family members when we're fighting
- raised my voice at her
- (im sure there's plenty more..i'm probably biased and in favor of myself)

things she got upset with me:
- i made a list of stuff she got mad for me over the years
- was slow to reply her messages
- brought iced coffee but was diluted as i drove over 40mins. was asked why i didn't buy it from nearer shop.
- didn't make hot coffee her way..which I kid you not (run hot water in mug, time the milk frothing and mokapot to match together etc etc)
- said I needed to mute some joint whatsapp group for sometime to do some deep work
- getting mad is 1 thing. i dont mid being scolded a bit etc or lashed out.
however, her method is using silent treatment. the longest 1 was at the end of my LDR period where she went almost a month of cold war. I almost lost my mind and had to do a bunch of other stuff to stay sane (binge watch netflix, gym etc)

her behavior:
- everytime when she gets mad at me, she uses
- silent treatment (which could go from days to weeks)
- not looking at me in the eye, walking away from me
- not acknowleging me when i'm near

how i felt:
- that i need to read her mind a lot of times when she went silient (some of them I dont know what even went wrong till much later)
- that i had to walk on eggshells to not make her mad

how she felt:
- that i didn't respect her space (when i visited her when during the fight)
- that i was playing the victim card (which i admit i do sometimes)
- that i wasn't doing enough for the relationship (i.e. planning things better, getting her darn coffee the way she likes etc )

how fights usually end:
- most of the time I would apologize for hurting her (some which I deeply feel are silly things to get mad/hurt at)
- or till she ran out of gas magically and things get back to normal

formation of a pattern:
- i start to feel there's a pattern which i can't break out of.
- i fear for my heart and sense of worth if i have to endure these extreme cycles for several years to come
- i'm not sure if this is called narcissism .... if it is then i have no idea of bringing this up to her without another fight breaking out.

reflections:
- for the longest time, I dont mind enduring as i feel i should put her needs above mine and she's everything to me.
- I feel I may never be able to reach her expectations (she hates it when i say this)
- for the past week or so, I have been day dreaming of just moving to a bachelor pad and do some healing and focus on myself for a while
- i also fear i would end up alone and wont find anyone like her anymore
- i know relationships need work/compromise/understanding. But I feel like i dont have anything left in me to give to her.
- i feel hollow sometimes and went into panic attack thinking of breaking up.
- but lately I also dream of a day when my partner can communicate openly to me when she's mad or sad. and not having me mindread like professor X

what i hope/did:
- i recently confronted her in a fight by starting to set my boundaries and pointing out the toxic silent treatments. But things doesn't look too good either as i'm in the midst of yet another silent treatment period.
- i hope for us to start a journey of healing and forgiving from both ends but i'm just very numb now and wish to be alone more than ever

thanks for reading and saga to be continued...

Job offer dilemma

Nivk08 — Sat, 06 Jun 2015 13:24:49 +0800

Hey guys ! My friend from mechanical engineering background(fresh grad) just got offered by the company and details below.

Company ABC Plantation
Job title: Engineer
Jon scope: take care of maintenance, projects and process
Pay:RM 34XX including allowance
Benefits: accommodation provided
Location: Lahad Datu Plant (palm refinery)
Duration in Lahad Datu : unknown so far

1)Can anyone chip in their experience working in plantation based jobs as palm refineries especially in lahad datu ?

2)How is life in lahad datu ? is internet readily accessible ?

3) what are the pros and cons that you have encountered working in palm refinery or working in lahad datu area?

4)How long do you think a fresh grad has to work there ? is there a chance to switch from palm refinery within the company ? or must he jump ship can change jobs ?

p.s. I did manage to find a tiny bit of info from other threads but searching for more and update if possible haha.

thanks for your time

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just sharing my story and venting

Job offer dilemma