My baby girl.. Rest in peace..

Akane_San — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 01:32:02 +0800

3 days ago, i had a miscarriage at my home.... I cannot forgive myself.. did i kill my girl? she's still 7 months old baby, but fully grown, a very adorable baby girl (according to my hubby).. but i cudnt see her face.. i really wanted to see her for the first and the last time.. but all i cud see was her lying breathless on the table. she weighed 1.2kg with placenta.. i cud only see from my bed which is less than 5 steps away, her small feet, small hands wrapping her small tummy.. just lying there, no sound, no cries at all.. she very still..

it all happened early morning, when i felt d contraction.. extremely painful.. she wanted to come out, but i never thought it cud be so fast cus that time my hubby called ambulans already.. suddenly, she came out. i cud feel her moving at least 3 times at 5 minutes interval , but she got stuck.. after moving few times, she din move at all !! my hubby said dont look.. dont take her out.. did i make a mistake ?? shud i have taken her out ? if i took her out wud she have lived?? i really dono wat to do. did i kill her ?

when i reached SDMC ER, i was exhausted.. removal of the umbilical cords of her and the blood clots was painful.. the doc on call n d nurses said its a baby girl.. they put her on the surgical table... then weighed her... she just stayed there, no movements.. when my hubby came into ER, i cannot stop crying.. she was our first baby.. a tiger girl... born on 29 March , died on the same day... she cudnt even survive less than half an hour.. when they placed her into a yellow plastic bag, and tied the bag up, my heart was totally broken into pieces.. i tried to be strong, and tried to stop my tears in front of everyone.. but i just cudnt help it when 2nd day stay in the ward... i keep hearing babies crying at nite, when i close my eyes and sleep, i saw a baby girl with a teddy bear, calling me 'mommy.. mommy'.. i really cannot help it.. i feel like going crazy !!!!!!

i was admitted for 3 days in SDMC.. ask me if the doctors are good? I also have no idea .. i didnt have the mood to think of other things... but the nurses very helpful.. at least...

SDMC made police report to cover their ass.. to avoid being sued by us.. but at this present state, do they think i got d mood to sue them ??? First nite, hubby went to deal with police, fill in death form, her name is Ashley... When i saw d form, saying the reason was :lemas semasa dilahir.. my tears cannot stop flowing...

i asked my hubby abt d procedure... he said cremation.. but... i wan to keep her ashes.. at least i get to hold her remains.. but he decided to do the buddhist way to spread her ashes to the sea.. i very sad abt this.. why ? why i cannot even have the chance to hold her ???

now i discharged... i still very weak... i cannot walk , cannot talk , cannot eat with normal strength.. it hurts.. my body, my stomach, even passing urine also i very painful... i dono where to get help.. although my darling very care about me, but i feel i need more support... am i greedy?? i dono wat can i eat, besides plain porridge n milo n fruits.... i totally not prepared for this at all.. i very helpless..

I got ING medical card.. but they din cover me i cannot claim !! WHY?! the agent say is categorized as pregnancy.. is this PREGNANCY at all??? isnt this death ???!!

i dono if i shud go for 2nd opinion looking at my current state of no energy.. can anyone please advice me ?

BB Cream sellers

Akane_San — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 02:06:11 +0800

Hmm.. Just wondering, since BB creams are becoming more and more in trend, sure there is online sellers right ?

Just wondering too, how many online sellers in LYN is selling BB creams ?

Tried The Face Shop BB creams before.. not bad la the quality..

Now using BRTC one but not bought online.. i would say its satisfactory

Some say it's so hard to find online BB cream sellers.. isit really THAT hard ?

Main Shoot vs. Second Shoot

Akane_San — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 17:48:53 +0800

Not too sure if im the first one posting this topic oh well.. Just wondering what you fellow LYNers think about this.

Some said its a 'battle' ('Some')

Main shoot vs. Second Shoot : To me both are equally important to shoot for, i.e., weddings ! Any other types of photography that u use 2nd shoot? Any Any Any ?

A friend of mine said : I will always be a second shoot. Because my work is easy. No editing, no worries.

I been a 2nd shoot before for weddings ... sad to say I dont really agree with this friend. Yes no editing but it's so important to Augment the main shoot's works. I guess it's the learning curve that makes the difference. 2nd shoots just 'shoot nia' ? kakakaka

Now Im a main shoot for my clients... I look at 2nd shoots equally great

Ehh.. sometimes I think i should call them my photographers/assistants instead of a 2nd shoot.. hehehehehe

Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by Akane_San

My baby girl.. Rest in peace..

BB Cream sellers

Main Shoot vs. Second Shoot