Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by doobudbobud

WTR Room in Pelangi Utama

doobudbobud — Mon, 14 Mar 2016 12:49:49 +0800

Small Room to Let in Pelangi Utama Block A in a fully furnished apartment.
Available 20th Mar 2016
Apartment has
- Sofa set
- Dining table and chairs
- Washing Machine
- Cooking Stove
- Shared bathroom with water heater
- 2 friendly housemates

Room has
- Single bed and mattress
- Writing table
- Air conditioner
- Wardrobe
- Ceiling Fan
- Curtains
- Lights

Rental is RM500 per month. Utility bills are shared by all 3 tenants (including you). Airconditioning is monitored by a separate power meter attached to the airconditioner. You pay what you use. 2 months rental deposit and 1/2 month utility deposit is required. Please contact Simon 017-6908413

Genuine or not, message to upgrade WhatsApp

doobudbobud — Sat, 18 Oct 2014 11:41:56 +0800

I received alert on my phone to upgrade WhatsApp. Then asked to send sms to somewhere. Very suspicious. Anyone receive this?

Can hardly understand the English on Lowyat forum

doobudbobud — Wed, 06 Nov 2013 12:21:55 +0800

- yea....luckily me abit only...escapable

-Give u see no buy queue.. see u die anot

-This one kah hmm

-i dunno leh..i jump around dont up close to pastor...I interest of STOCK kaki

-He one hour up 1 bid.. slowly up..

-this 1 very gooding 1

-or another die hard bone tp fansi

-drive honda ....must be vroooooooom

Anyone care to interpret above remarks? Why is it so difficult to write in properly constructed sentences using proper English words so everyone can understand?

Confession

doobudbobud — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:13:33 +0800

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.

"Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."

"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.

"It's bad, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.

"Well, it was a difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the German had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.

"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off my mind. Can I ask you another question?""Of course, my son," said the priest.

The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"

Husband to be

doobudbobud — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:07:49 +0800

A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.

"What are you doing?" she exclaimed.
"I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband" the daughter replied.

Later that week, the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator.

"What on earth are you doing?"He exclaimed.
"I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband" the daughter replied.

A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time coming from the den. Upon entering the room, she found her husband watching television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him.

"What are you doing?" She asked
He replied,
"Watching the game with my son-in-law."

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned

doobudbobud — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:45:58 +0800

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed. "Stop! Stop! You are not going to cut it off, are you??!"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said,"Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

Life after life

doobudbobud — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 12:33:14 +0800

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. The woman's biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact.

"Mary....Mary....."

Awestruck, Mary reponds,"Is that you Fred?"

"Yes, I have come back like we agreed."

"Well, what is it like?"

Fred excitedly tells his tale,
"Well, when I get up in the morning I have sex, then I have breakfast, then I have sex again, then I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more, then I have sex all afternoon and into the early evening, until bedtime.
And, then, I start all over again the next day."

So happy Mary says, "Oh, Fred, you surely must be in heaven."

Fred replies,"Hell no, Mary, I'm a rabbit in Kansas."

Pre-marriage tip

doobudbobud — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:51:13 +0800

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

There was only one little thing bothering me: it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was braless. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone and when I arrived, she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said,"I am going upstairs to my bedroom and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go upstairs. When she reached the top, she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside , all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said,"We are very happy that you have passed our little test; we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to our family."

And the moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car!"

Faith Healing

doobudbobud — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 14:20:01 +0800

Grandma and grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. The evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their television set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the television set, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her to have great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, and placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch.

Grandma scowled at him and said," I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, not raise the dead."

Horse Ride

doobudbobud — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 20:22:58 +0800

A girl was driving in Indian reservaton land when she ran out of petrol. A red Indian was riding by and offered to give her a ride to the nearest gas station. She climbed on the horse behind the red indian and the red Indian gave out a wild cry, 'Wowee' As they galloped along, the red Indian gave out the battle cry, "wowee" until they reached the gas station when he hollered out the final cry, signalling the end of the journey.
The pump attendant ask the girl," What did you do to make the injun holler like that?"She replied,"I just climb on the horse and put one hand around him and the other on the saddle horn.
The attendant said. " Injun don't use horse saddle"

Missed Period

doobudbobud — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 07:18:40 +0800

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, and crying, the mother says, "Who is the pig that did this to you? I want to know!!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house and a very mature and a very distinguished man with gray hair gets out of the car. The man, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps up to the door and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl and tells them, "Good morning. Your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I will take charge. If a girl is born, I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a beach villa, and $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 account. If it's twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there's a miscarriage..."

At this point, the father, who has remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him," If there's a
miscarriage, you will have to screw her again."

Sly Husband

doobudbobud — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 11:28:01 +0800

A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What's that for?" "It's for your headache." "I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha"

UNCLE TONY

doobudbobud — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 09:44:47 +0800

UNCLE TONY and THE BARMAN

Arriving in a hotel in KL Sentral Uncle Tony went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be one Ringgit please, Uncle Tony."

Somewhat taken aback, Uncle Tony replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the
barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest draught in Asia"

"That is remarkable value" Uncle Tony comments

"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours. That will be 3 Ringgit please."

Uncle Tony scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra 2 Ringgit. You could have pre-book the seat, and it would have only cost you a Ringgit"

"I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please"
Uncle Tony attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".

"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of RM 4 for your seat sir"

Tony swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another 3 Ringgit"

Uncle Tony was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager".

"Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be 2 Ringgit please." Uncle's face was red with rage.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Of course I do Mr Fernandes"

"I've had enough, What sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"

"Here is his E mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free,
until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 sen per second provided you use Tune Talk using other mobile carriers would incur our normal charges of 30 Sen per second

"I will never use this bar again"

"OK Uncle , but remember, we are the only bar in Asia selling pints for one Ringgit...so that Now everyone can drink "

The Pastor's Ass

doobudbobud — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 12:20:07 +0800

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and
it won..

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey
that he entered it in the race
again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

PASTOR'S
ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline
read:

BISHOP
SCRATCHES
PASTOR'S
ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the pastor to get
rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a
nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the
next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN
SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run
wild..

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is . . being
concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery . .
even shorten your life.

Walking Eagle

doobudbobud — Thu, 16 Sep 2010 11:59:07 +0800

President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York .
He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living.
He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.
Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his “red sisters and brothers.”
At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, “Walking Eagle.”
The proud President then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds..

A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President.
They explained that “Walking Eagle” is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly..