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In love deeply with a non-wife type of girl

Future Voice — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:01:15 +0800

Dear all,

I need your help again. It has been quite a while since I last posted here. My last issue was discussed here:

http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/493032

After my last posting in the thread above, I decided that I should not pursue the girl anymore. I stopped my heart completely from going further and finally I managed to let go of the girl. We are still friends until today, and she just broke up. Whatever it is, this thread is no longer about her as I think I have managed to move on from her.

This is my story now. After letting her go, there was an empty space in my heart again. I was happy for a while as I felt free from all forms of emotional sufferings. However, as my heart was void, it was easy for any girl to feel the void.

On 6th February 2008, while I was online on MSN, a girl from college whom I got to now barely messaged me with a greeting of Happy Chinese New Year for the Chinese New Year celebration which was supposed to begin the next day. I messaged her back and started to chat about other things. She asked if I was still a single, and I told her I was. I had never flirted before in my life, and that was the first time when I started flirting online. It was nice and she was very responsive to my flirting. We went on to the extent of chatting about the inappropriate sex subject. At the end of the chat session, she gave me her number. That was the start of a long painful process which I have been going through for months.

We started to exchange sms messages. On valentine’s day, I called her to say to wish her a happy valentine’s day, and that sparked off our conversation even further, and we started to talk on the phone almost once every week. By the way, she is staying and working in Penang, while I stay and work in KL. The distance is the main reason why we did not meet up and continued to communicate via phone and MSN.

Our relationship got further as we flirted further. We even had a few steamy conversations either on the phone or sms about sex. It went to the extent of her offering to have sex with me if I was there in Penang. However, I do not know how serious she was as she might just be joking with me.

I did not have much feeling for her initially, as I have never ever thought in my life that I would fall for such a girl. She is not pretty at all, she gets angry quite easily, and she lives life at a higher standard than me. However, I continued to talk to her and sms her perhaps due to lust. That was my mistake I guess.

As we chatted further, I realized that I started to develop feelings for her. I told her the truth that I started off talking to her due to lust, but that lust had developed into feelings. She told me to give it a shot, to give the relationship a chance to grow. Initially, I was happy with that and I continued talking to her and messaging her in the hope that the relationship would grow.

When I was in Penang for a company’s trip, I met up with her and we went out for a drink, together with another best friend of hers whom I knew back in college. It was awkward that night as that was really the first time we met in person to have a good conversation.

A few months passed by and she came down to Genting with her best friend again. I went up to Genting to meet them and to especially spend time with her. I got to know her better and I felt that my love for her grew deeper. Nothing happened, but we continued to talk to each other and messaged each other.

Through out the many months, I have had doubts in our growing relationship as I thought she was just too far away from me to start a proper relationship. Furthermore, as stated above, I did not think she was the wife-material whom I have been looking for. For a few times, I told her that I was not comfortable with the relationship due to the distance issue. In a few occasions, we decided to stop the relationship. However, after a few days, we would start messaging again and start calling each other again. Overtime, my love for her grew deeper.

She wanted me to visit her in Penang and give the relationship a chance to grow. I drove all the way up to Penang and stayed at her place with her family around. We went out on our first proper date, I gave her flowers, we spent time talking at the Dragon-I Restaurant at Queensbay Mall, we watched House Bunny together and we went back to her home to meet her best friend. That was the only proper date one-on-one with her during that trip to Penang. After that, we did not manage to find time to talk to one another as most of the time we had people around us. After that trip, as expected, my love for her grew even deeper, although the date was an expensive date costing me close to RM500 in 2 days.

After the trip, at times, I felt that she was no longer interested in the relationship. Perhaps, it is just that fatigue was setting in after a long period of courtship. I might be thinking too much. I asked her if she wanted to take the relationship to the next level. She said it was too early for her to decide. She wanted me to go up to Penang more often first. I did not like how things were going. I felt she was irresponsive to me at times as she did not bother to reply my messages, or she replied very shortly. I told her about this, and she told me she is not a phone person, and therefore is not used to replying or talking to phone for long. I chatted with her best friend privately and she told me the same thing. She just isn’t a phone person. Even when her best friend messaged her, she did not reply at times.

This problem of her not replying or replying shortly has been there even before my first proper date with her. However, it created lots of doubt in me whether or not she has any feeling for me. I told her best friend that I was giving up, mainly again due to the distance issue. Of course, I did not reveal the other factors which I mentioned above. I also do not think I could afford to have her as my girlfriend as she lives life in a different standard than mine. She cannot eat at any food outlets or street stalls as she has sensitive stomach. I do not blame her for that, but I guess I will not be able to provide her with the best if I were to be her boyfriend. I just do not have enough cash to splurge on her to provide the best for her. As much as I want to, I just can’t. Of course the cash issue was not revealed to her best friend.

I did not tell her anything, but I guess her best friend communicated to her my decision to give up. I started not to be very proactive in calling her or messaging her. However, she suddenly messaged me to tell her that she likes me but she cannot take the relationship further as she needs me to see her more often first. As I still love her very much, I gave the relationship a chance again and started to talk to her like usual.

Finally, just a few days back, I messaged her to ask her how long it would take for us to move to the next level of our relationship. She told me that she wasn’t sure as it depends on many other factors, which she did not reveal to me. I promised to go up again to Penang 2 weeks later. We decided that we are going to talk about it when I visit her again in Penang. I just feel that fatigue was setting in. I want to take the relationship to the next level, but she just wants to develop our friendship further first to assess whether or not to take this further. She thinks that I am rushing into this relationship, but I am just tired of getting hurt when she doesn’t respond to me.

I would like all of you to just give me an opinion on whether or not I should pursue this further as I am sure that she is not the wife that I am looking for. However, I really love her very much. I am not sure though if she really still likes me.

Is it acceptable to be the third party?

Future Voice — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 22:02:40 +0800

Just to find out public's perception.

Poll:Maximum age gap with older girlfriend

Future Voice — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 19:39:16 +0800

Just to know public's perception.

Is the tall, sexy and pretty girl in love with me?

Future Voice — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:34:37 +0800

Hi people,

It is true that time heals. And it did so quickly for me! If you do not know what I am talking about, please refer to http://forum.lowyat.net/topic/457032.

Well, after my heart healed, life went on as usual. Nothing so usual after all for my heart as it fell again, but this time for another girl. It is not the first time on this "another girl" though. It had fallen before, forgotten, but remembered again now. Sparks flew again.

It all started more than a year ago when I was attending a training course conducted by my company, and she was there attending the training as well. Though we are in the same company, she works in Penang and I work in KL, 2 different offices. Back to the training, I noticed this "tall, sexy and pretty" girl right in front of me. As a shy person, I naturally acted cool and didn't allow my heart to say a comment about this girl. Everything went on smoothly, until after the training course when she added me to her office messaging system. We started chatting since then, but naturally after some time, when you have nothing to talk about, we stopped chatting so regularly.

Then came our business outing last year, when we met up again. This time, after so many chatting sessions online, we were friendlier to one another when we meet. Probably we were too close together, as other colleagues noticed and soon after started to tease us as a couple.

After the outing last year, we started chatting furiously again, this time with some photos being sent to one another, but nothing really happened though. Again, after some time, we started chatting less regularly.

Just last month, I met her again in my company's latest outing. Probably because we were made an item, I could feel that she was shy, and I was shy too. We did not really spend much time together initially because we were separated into different groups. However, after the events in groups were over, we started chatting to one another and walked through the night walk program together. At one point during the night walk program, we were asked to support one another as we went through obstacles. We held hands and guided one another. That was when I felt something tingling in my heart. Sparks flew. Not the first time though, sparks flew before too, just that I ignored through out the years, or probably those were just some small sparks. Anyway, who wouldn't have sparks flying when they hold hands of someone "tall, sexy and pretty"?

I thought it was only a one-way spark, so I tried again to ignore whatever sparks I could feel, and quickly extinguish them. I was quietly disappointed that the trip was over so quickly, because I wouldn't have a chance then to get to know her better anymore. As I sat quietly in the bus, I glanced at her, sitting not too far away. I closed my eyes and extinguished all sparks there were in my heart. "Tut, tut, tut", oh shit, that was my handphone getting a message. As I looked at my handphone screen, I was confused. I got a message from the tall, sexy and pretty girl sitting not more than 5 metres away from me in the bus. It was her!

What did she say? She said she enjoyed the trip very much and hoped we could keep in touch. As always, we crapped again and a few sms flew between us in the bus, without anyone else knowing.

When we reached KL, we just smiled at one another for our silly act of sms'ing one another when we were just metres apart. Before we waived good bye, she said she would sms me. And that night, she really did. From there on, we started sms'ing to one another without fail, every day!

Some messages were really suggestive and turned sparks into fire! Probably, it is only my perception that these messages were suggestive. Please comment whether these are hints.

"You should fly over to massage me, then I fly over to massage you"

"Good nite. Miss you!"

"Good nite and miss you much much!"

"Miss you too much, hard to sleep"

"Good night, dear"

I doubt myself because of a few things. Firstly, she already has a boyfriend, whom she has been together for years, even before she turned 20. They still go out together. Secondly, there is a huge age gap between us, 4 years. She is older than me by 4 years. Never had the slightest thought that I would be together with someone 4 years older. Thirdly, I don't know her well enough. She might just be a girl who is very open, very very open.

I don't know what else to say, please let me know your view.

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Subsequent update on 2 September 2007:

People, I didn't really listen to your advice here. Subsequent to my last post in this thread, I have continued to sms and chat with the tall, sexy and pretty girl. Although we do not meet up with each other (she is in Penang and I am in KL), I feel our relationship is now closer than ever. We sms each other every day and night.

I flirted, though I shouldn't have. She still has her boyfriend. Sometimes, she talks with me about her boyfriend. She even showed me her boyfriend's photo. While teasing one another, I asked her out for a date if her boyfriend did not mind. She told me that her boyfriend did not mind and said yes to me. Of course, that was just that, as the distance was an issue to go out dating with her. Be reminded though that this discussion happened in a very friendly teasing way. We even discussed about how to date one another due to the distance. We both realise that the distance is a hurdle in our relationship. She is not willing to work in KL as she has her family in Penang, while I am not willing work in Penang, as I have my family here in KL too. That discussion about our date ended just like that, without further action.

These days, we do not mind telling one another that we miss each other. She has said that I am a perfect guy. She has asked me before if I mind dating someone her age. I said I did not mind. She tells me about what she does everyday, and told me that I have to tell her what I do as well.

Are all the above hints to show that I have a chance in this relationship if I could overcome the distance hurdle? What about our age? She is 4 years older. Do you think this is going to be a problem?

Is giving tips for the exam a norm in universities

Future Voice — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 23:29:33 +0800

I am pursuing my MBA now. When I was in university (a local college with a tie up with a foreign university) for my degree, some lecturers gave us tips or focus areas for the final exam. With these tips or focus areas, students know exactly where to focus in order to pass or score in the exam. Initially, I thought this was only a practice by my university (yes, I thought my university had no standard). Soon, when I started pursuing my MBA, I realise that I still get tips!!! Is tips giving a norm in universities?

The girl who stole my heart

Future Voice — Mon, 14 May 2007 23:08:05 +0800

I just need to pour this out of my system. I have been suffering enough. I don't need your advice, I just need you to listen and to let me know your view, and hopefully, bring fresh perspective to me.

I don't know when it began. She was the first girl that I met in office during my first day. We got to know each other better as we went out for lunch together with other colleagues. As we sat right in front of one another, we naturally became closer to one another. We admitted to one another that we were the closest to one another compared to to other colleagues in the office.

I know it is wrong to love someone from the same office, but my heart betrayed me. I fell for her, somehow. I know it is wrong to love someone with a steady boyfriend, but my heart betrayed me again, somehow, I fell.

She has a boyfriend, she told me about him, and showed me his photo even. Her boyfriend is now studying in Australia for his masters, and she is here working. They have been in long distance relationship ever since they begun their relationship, but they worked hard to maintain it. They truly love each another and remained together till today, after about 4 or 5 years.

I don't know, but my heart told me she hinted quite a lot to me that she had feelings for me, or probably my heart interpreted wrongly as it was already blinded. She told me I was the first that came to her mind. She told me to be daring to confess even though I might love someone who is attached with a boyfriend. She asked me many times what type of girl I'd love. She asked me many times what I would want to do during my date. Are these hints? My heart said yes, but I think it was a no now.

2 days back, I came to office to help her with her work. I offered my help because I just couldn't bear seeing her doing her work alone during the weekend. She called me that morning to tell me what time she would be in office, and she asked if I would like to join her for early lunch. I told her yes, I'd love to. Off we went for an early lunch in one of the fast food restaurant near our office. Just the 2 of us, I though I just got myself a date. How silly... I was just stupidly interpreting that as another hint.

After lunch, we went to office and worked, while listening to love songs. I fell deeper for her. Stupid love songs, but gosh how they worked wonders to your heart. The way she talked to me, the way she looked at me, the way she stared, the way she was, she was just so perfect. Again, my heart and eyes were blinded. How could I see such a beautiful soul on earth?

Mid way through our work, she told me, "I don't care, you must go out with me tonight for dinner". Gosh, my heart interpreted that as another hint coming from her. What a blind heart I have.

She drove, although I should have, but I don't have a car. We went to Bangsar and enjoyed our dinner there. Half way through dinner, she changed topic to talk about my love. She asked what I would do for my date. I couldn't remember what I said. Soon, the topic shifted to her boyfriend. She told me her boyfriend might be getting a PR in Australia and might not come back to Malaysia. She said she understood that things might not work out well, but she did not discount the possibility of going to Australia to be with her boyfriend.

Suddenly she stopped and asked me why there was such a sceptic look on my face. I avoided her question but she pestered on. She kept on asking if I was hiding something from her. She said she knew something was bothering me. She forced me to reveal my feelings. I didn't want to but she pressed on. She asked, "Tell me! What's the worst that could happen? You like me?" I avoided yet again. But then, came a point when I had to say something, she asked me to hint her. I told her "I will not tell you anything unless you are no longer with your boyfriend". The hint was clear but she said she was not good at guessing. I avoided her further questioning and changed topic.

I was very much disturbed. I knew my heart just couldn't take it. I had to tell her. I told her. I told her my feelings for her. And she told me, "What do you want me to do with that?" I didn't answer her. And she told me, "I hope you understand that that is just that". My heart understood finally, it was all over. I had been fooling myself all the while.

I am sad, very sad. But I am glad that she is still my friend. We acted normal today, but my heart will never be the same again.