Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by greatbargain

connecting 2 PC wirelessly

greatbargain — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 21:37:13 +0800

hi

both my PC has wifi enabled

i want to transfer files between these 2 PCs wirelessly

how do i connect both of them and make the file transfer?

speedtest.net test

Thu, 01 Jan 1970 07:30:00 +0800

speedtest.net test

greatbargain — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 21:57:44 +0800

i have a strange observation when testing my internet speed

i have a 4mb streamyx package

during the initial stage of the test, most of the time it is like between 1mb - 3mb. then at the end of the test, it shoot up > 10mb. sometime even go to 50mb

why hah?

astro question

greatbargain — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 13:58:33 +0800

i don't have time to watch tv, so don't think it is worth to get astro. The normal free channel good enough for me but the reception from normal antenna are not good in my area

so my question is, is it possible to get those free to air channel via astro decoder + dish but not getting any astro package?

i guess probably not but who knows if someone has the solution

how to replace driving license

greatbargain — Mon, 01 Nov 2010 23:01:07 +0800

i lost my driving license

can i know how do i get replacement? do i need to make police report?

xbox questions

greatbargain — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 13:18:32 +0800

thinking of buying xbox360

i notice there are many version of it

which 1 is better?

reasonable good 5.1 speaker

greatbargain — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 17:03:47 +0800

hi all,

i notice a lot of post are about PC speakers

i am looking for a decent speakers for home theather (connect to AVR) for normal living room entertainment

budget prefer about 500 but can go up to 1k

let me know what are available out there

P.S. i am not really sensitive to minor differences between a good and super good quality audio output. as long as it is decent for normal user is ok

chuck norris jokes

greatbargain — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:49:24 +0800

In case you didn't know much about Chuck Norris, this is (for the most part) all you need to know. Of all the people on this world you could tick off, Mr. Norris shouldn't be one of 'em... These are some of the most popular Chuck Norris jokes on the net... things like Chuck doesn't write books, that the words assemble themselves out of fear. Good stuff. Enjoy!

this one i create myself

###########

The mayans predicted 2012 to be the end of the world. That's when chuck norris is going to be born
when chuck norris jumps into the water at the atlantic ocean, it create a tsunami so huge, Mt Everest's tip vanished

###########

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.
A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.
When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.
When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Chuck Norris played Russi

nun

greatbargain — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:41:25 +0800

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you..."

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

clever mum

greatbargain — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:38:59 +0800

A Mom comes to visit her son John who's living with a female roommate named Samantha. John's mother doesn't like the idea of her son living with a woman, as he's in college and doesn't need any distractions. To ease his mother's worries, John invites her to stay for dinner.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what your thinking Mom, but I assure you, Samantha and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Samantha came to John saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver peanut butter jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the peanut butter jar from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the peanut butter jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
John

Several days later, John received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Samantha, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Samantha. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the peanut butter jar under her pillow...

Love,
Mom

sheep

greatbargain — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 22:36:24 +0800

old joke but hope you haven't heard of it yet

################

During a moment of brilliance, and a man buys several sheep in hopes of breeding them for wool. He figured it'd be an excellent way to make some extra money. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him he should try artificial insemination.

Now the guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he'd know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they'll stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "Nope," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

A Quarter To The Homeless

greatbargain — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:42:12 +0800

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?" The Lawyer thought for a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street." Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven." The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There's more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter." Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter,

"Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

Burning Building

greatbargain — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 22:09:24 +0800

There was a burning building with a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde at the top.

The firemen are yelling to the redhead to jump into a blanket and she jumps off the building and right as she was about to safely hit the blanket they moved it and she dies.

They yell to the brunette to jump but she says,"No I saw what you did to the redhead"! They shout we don't like redheads! So the brunette jumps and sure enough they move the blanket and she dies.

Then they shout to the blonde to jump off into the blanket. But the blonde says,"no I saw what you did to them"! They shout we don't like them!

The blonde then says, "I don't trust you guys, put the blanket on the ground and step back!"

New College Courses for Men as Prepared by Women

greatbargain — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 19:21:48 +0800

1... Combating Stupidity

2... You, Too, Can Do Housework

3... PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut

4... How to Fill an Ice Tray

5... We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money

6... Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am

7... Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")

8... Parenting: No, It Doesn't End With Conception

9... Get a Life: Learn to Cook

10... How Not to Act Like an ******* When You're Obviously Wrong

11... Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right

12... Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

13... You: The Weaker Sex

14... Reasons to Give Flowers

15. How to Stay Awake After Sex

16... Why it is Unacceptable to Relieve Yourself Anywhere but the Bathroom

17... Garbage: Getting it to the Curb

18... You Can Fall Asleep Without IT if You Really Try

19... The Morning Dilemma if IT's awake: Take a Shower

20... I'll Wear it if I Damn Well Please

21... How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet")

22... "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms

23... Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bullshit

24... How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost

25... The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency

26... Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex

27... Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes

28... Mother-in-Laws: They are People Too

29... Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home

30... You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver

31... Seeing the True You (formerly titled "No, You Don't Look Like Brad Pitt When Naked")

32... Changing Your Underwear: It Really Works

33... The Attainable Goal: Omitting TITS From Your Vocabulary

34... Fluffing the Blankets After Flatulating is Not Necessary

35... Techniques of Calling Home

36... Introductory Foreplay: The Drive Home Does Not Count.

The Monkey and the Car Accident

greatbargain — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:57:16 +0800

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.

Again, the monkey nods his head up and down.

"Well, did you see this?" "Yes," motioned the monkey.

"What happened?" The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up to his mouth.

"They were drinking?" asked the officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

"They were smoking marijuana?" The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing."

"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer. The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked." The monkey nods his head "Yes."

"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving" motioned the monkey

The Bear, the Squirrel and the Magic Lamp

greatbargain — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:54:32 +0800

A bear and a squirrel are walking through their forest community and they stumble upon a magic lamp under the dirt.

Now this magic lamp has been covered in dirt for years and it was glad to be saved, so since the lamp was in such a good mood, he would grant EACH of them three wishes. So he asked who wanted to go first.

Now Bear, being the eager, young creature that he was, went first.

"What do you want for your first wish"? He asked.

Bear replied, i wish, that the hot female bear that lives next to me, was crazy in love with me.

BOOM. it was done.

Sqirrel's wish was for a helmet.

"A helmet"! Said Bear?!?! "You can get anything and you want a helmet?"

Bear's next wish was for all the female bears in the forest be really hot and all like him.

BOOM it was done

Squirrel's second wish was a motercycle. Again bear was dumbfounded but carried on to his third wish.

"Actually, I want every bear in the forest to be female, hot, and really like me" said Bear.

The lamp granted the wish and...

BOOM. it was done

It was Squirrel's final wish,

"What would you like me to grant you for your final wish" the lamp asked.

After much consideration, Squirrel finaly answered.

"I wish Bear was gay"

And with that, he rode off.

Who is God?

greatbargain — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 18:00:10 +0800

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"W

some blond jokes

greatbargain — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 08:31:37 +0800

One time this blonde girl was at a vending machine. She would stick a
quarter in, push the button, and a soda would come out and she would
put it on the top. She did this a few more times before a man asked
why she kept doing this, and she said, "Because im winning."

########
invention by blonde

-- The water-proof towel
-- Glow in the dark sunglasses
-- Solar powered flashlights
-- Submarine screen doors
-- A book on how to read
-- Inflatable dart boards
-- A dictionary index
-- Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
-- Powdered water
-- Pedal-powered wheel chairs
-- Waterproof tea bags
-- Watermelon seed sorter
-- Zero proof alcohol
-- Reuseable ice cubes
-- See-through toilet tissue
-- Skinless bananas
-- Do-it-yourself road map
-- Turnip ice cream
-- Toe implants
-- An all white flag
-- Rolls Royce pickup truck

########
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open. A
cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, "Boy, my eyes
must be going, it looks like that woman's right breast is hanging
out."

As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out.
When he gets face to face with her he says, "Ma'am, are you aware I
could cite you for indecent exposure?"

She says, "Why, officer?"

"Well, your breast is hanging out."

She looks down and says "OMIGOD, I left the baby on the bus!"

blonde shampoo

greatbargain — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 08:26:33 +0800

On the third floor a man gets on who's perfect: Italian suit,
handsome, great build with a nice butt, but unfortunately they both
notice he has a bad case of dandruff. The man gets off on the 5th
floor.

Once the doors close, the brunette turns to the blonde and says,
"Someone should give him Head & Shoulders."

To which the blonde replies, "How do you give Shoulders?"

Driving School Exam

greatbargain — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 08:23:33 +0800

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by
the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read
Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at
the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying,
"Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer
drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a
flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.