Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by vhs1

📝A short story 📖

vhs1 — Sat, 03 Oct 2020 14:00:24 +0800

Very Short story.......

Doris was breastfeeding her son and her lady friend Susan seated next to her said...."He sucks like his Father.."

The End .... 😂😈

🏌️A man & 🏌️‍♂️woman playing ⛳

vhs1 — Wed, 23 Sep 2020 00:39:47 +0800

Finally they are together 🎎👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

vhs1 — Wed, 02 Sep 2020 01:40:35 +0800

Gais, Can help me find mapren? 🐅

vhs1 — Thu, 27 Aug 2020 20:54:40 +0800

AA 🇺🇲or Dutch 🇳🇱

vhs1 — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 18:41:39 +0800

In the Wild West of USA, in the late 19th century, a Dutchman went into a bar, took out his two guns , placed them on the table and ordered drinks for himself and the twenty other people there and said "When I drink, everyone drinks"

Everyone grateful accepted a drink. He finished his drink and ordered another and said "When I have a second drink, everyone has a second drink" .

Again everyone gratefully accepted.When the big bill came, the Dutchman stood up, fired his pistols in the air, paid for his two drinks and said " When I pay, everyone pays".

That is how the proverb " going Dutch" came into being.

Hello loktor⚕️, Hello loyar ⚖️

vhs1 — Sun, 23 Aug 2020 12:52:50 +0800

#Hilarious stuff. 😂

These are from a book called *'Disorder in the American Courts'* and are things people actually said in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
_________________________

*ATTORNEY*: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

*WITNESS* : Did you actually pass the law exam?
__________________________

*ATTORNEY* : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

*WITNESS* : He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_________________________

*ATTORNEY* : Were you present when your picture was taken?

*WITNESS* : Are you serious.
__________________________

*ATTORNEY*: She had three children, right?

*WITNESS* : Yes.

*ATTORNEY* : How many were boys?

*WITNESS* : None.

*ATTORNEY* : Were there any girls?

*WITNESS* : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
__________________________

*ATTORNEY* : How was your first marriage terminated?

*WITNESS* : By death.

*ATTORNEY* : And by whose death was it terminated?

*WITNESS* : Take a guess.
__________________________

*ATTORNEY* : Can you describe the individual?

*WITNESS* : He was about medium height and had a beard.

*ATTORNEY* : Was this a male or a female?

*WITNESS* : Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.
__________________________

*ATTORNEY* : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

*WITNESS :* All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
__________________________

*ATTORNEY*: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

*WITNESS* : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

*ATTORNEY* : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

*WITNESS* : If not, he was by the time I finished.
__________________________

_And the best for the last.._

*ATTORNEY*: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for blood pressure?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : Did you check for breathing?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

*WITNESS* : No.

*ATTORNEY* : How can you be so sure, Doctor?

*WITNESS* : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

*ATTORNEY* : But could the patient have still been alive?

*WITNESS*: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Courtesy :facebook post

Creative design in 2020 🌻

vhs1 — Sat, 15 Aug 2020 09:44:03 +0800

Having an affair with a lady ❤️👩‍🦰

vhs1 — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 22:23:49 +0800

A young boy goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money ... he calls home.

"Dad" he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing!
They actually have a program here in our institution that will teach our dog,Jack, how to talk!"

"That's amazing,"his father says. "How do I get Jack in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $10,000" the young boy says " and I'll get him in the course."

So his father sends the dog and$10,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out.

The boy calls home.

"So how's Jack doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read ??"says his father.

"No kidding! How do we get Jack in that program?"

"Just send $20,000, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog!!!

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

"Where's Jack? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad" the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Jack was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading The Economic Times, like he usually does. Then Jack turned to me and asked, "So, is your father still having an affair with that pretty lady Rachel💃who lives down the street ?"

The father went white and exclaimed ... "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"😡

"I sure did, dad!

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school and is now a politician.

🥁😂😳😳🤣🤣🤣🥁

Secret Tips for marriage 👨‍🦰❤️👩‍🦰

vhs1 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 10:50:19 +0800

This is the 1st 🥇

vhs1 — Fri, 07 Aug 2020 01:32:51 +0800

Jangan lupa TT & pp..... 😷

vhs1 — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 18:41:27 +0800

Do you find your wifuu cooking tasteless? 🙅

vhs1 — Thu, 30 Jul 2020 17:39:14 +0800

My friend came home from office, cleaned himself and sat for dinner, after having first bite he scolded his wife that food is tasteless. His wife got up, called the municipal corporation doctor and told them that her husband doesn't have taste... Municipal ambulance came and took him away and now he is in 14 days quarantine...😉😉😉
This is a warning to all men who find their wife's cooking tasteless🤣

Ever heard a lady fart? ☢️

vhs1 — Wed, 29 Jul 2020 01:31:30 +0800

2020 😷

vhs1 — Tue, 21 Jul 2020 12:18:21 +0800

Sshhh! Don't shout 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫

vhs1 — Sun, 12 Jul 2020 16:24:10 +0800

A Farmer buys a young Cock. As soon as it comes Home, it rushes & fucks all the 150 Hens. Farmer is impressed.

At lunch, the Cock again screws all 150 Hens,
Farmer gets tense now.
Next day, he finds Cock fucking the Ducks, Goose & Parrot too.

Later, he finds the Cock lying Pale, half-dead &
Vultures circling over it's head.
Farmer Says: U Horny bastard u deserve this!

The Cock opens one eye, says: "Sshhh! Don't shout,
let the fucking vultures land...!" 😜😂🤣

The Lady with the best service 💋

vhs1 — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 21:56:05 +0800

*Lady's Service*

A guy went to Vegas for the first time in his life. He was very curious about the sex services offered there. Through a bellboy, he found the best in town.

When the lady came, he asked :_
*How much is your service.....????? "_*

The lady said :" $100 for a ✊ hand job"

What.....????
Why So Expensive....??? "
The guy asked in amazement.....!!!!

The lady pulled the guy to the window and asked him :
Do you see that shiny red Porsche 🚘 down there....???? ''_*
That's what I earned by my hand.....!!!! "

The guy was convinced and decided to try her service._
It was great....!!!!_
So he asked :_
What else can you do....???? "

The lady said :_
For $200 I'll give you a blowjob.....!!! "

What....???_*
That's way too expensive for a blow job....!!!! ''
he replied.

The lady brought him to the window again, and said :
'' Do you see the restaurant down there.... ????That's what I've earned with my mouth....!!!! ''_

So the guy decided to go for it and gave her $200._
It was unbelievable....!!!!_

So he decided he wanted to try the" Real " Thing._
_So he asked :_
'' How much for Real Intercourse.....????? "*

The lady pulled him over to the window again, and said :
'' Do you see that skyscraper there....????*
*It would have been mine a long time ago if I had A Pussy.....!!!!!! ''

Auntie Sexy! 💃💞

vhs1 — Fri, 10 Jul 2020 00:37:23 +0800

Overheard at kopi tiam...

Customer: Auntie...sexy!

Kopi auntie: Hah? Sexy? Where got? Auntie old liao, no sexy oledy.

Kopi uncle: Aiyoh, what sexy? Customer order set C lah...

Simple Self health check

vhs1 — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 20:32:26 +0800

FYI : Tekcik🍒 / 2 inci🌶️

vhs1 — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 01:19:03 +0800

Let's go! ✈️✈️✈️✈️✈️

vhs1 — Sun, 05 Jul 2020 19:17:27 +0800

*Always ask....Never assume..*

The CNN photographer John was told that a twin engine plane would be waiting at the airport.
Arriving at the airport he spotted a plane warming up outside the hangar. He jumped in & said: "Lets go."

The pilot happily took off.

Once in the air John told the Pilot: "Fly low over the valley so I can take pictures of the fire on the hill."

Pilot: "Why?"

John: "I’m the photographer for CNN.
I need to get some close up shots."

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, then asked: "So what you’re telling me is you’re not my flying instructor?"

*Life is Short.*
*Always Ask, Never Assume...*

😂🙄🤔📖📚✅👆🏾