Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by ST12

Queen size bed and mattress for sale

ST12 — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 17:59:40 +0800

Item(s):Queen size bed and mattress for sale

Package includes:Metal bed frame and mattress only, not including pillows and bed cover

Price:RM100 only. First come first serve
Warranty:As-is-where-is

Dealing method:cash on collection

Location:Taman Tun Dr. Ismail

Contact method/details:Whatsapp 017-6908413
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Item(s) conditions:good

Picture:attached

Reason for sale:extra

WTS One Door LG Refrigerator

ST12 — Sun, 28 Sep 2014 09:24:24 +0800

Item(s):One Door LG Refrigerator For Sale

Package includes: One Refrigerator

Price RM100

Dealing method Cash and Carry

Location of seller: Pelangi Utama, Petaling Jaya

Contact method/details: Pls PM/Call 0176908413

Age of item: Used

Item(s) conditions:Good working condition

Picture: As Shown

Reason for sale:Upgrade

A Famosa Bungalows

ST12 — Sun, 06 Jan 2013 10:49:54 +0800

Anyone knows why A'Famosa bungalows in Alor Gajah, Melaka are selling at only Rm300k with own swimming pool and a land size of 7000 to 8000 sq ft? What's the catch? It would make an ideal retirement home at such a price.

(WTS) YAMAHA DIGITAL PIANO

ST12 — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 14:25:08 +0800

[attachmentid=2720870]
[attachmentid=2720871]

Original Price: RM 10800
Includes: piano chair, original manual
Selling now: HALF PRICE (nego)
Condition: Excellent, Hardly used
Year of Purchase: 2007
Dealing Method: Collect from TTDI, KL

Clocks in heaven !

ST12 — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 15:17:55 +0800

Inside Indian Heaven

An Indian man died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the heaven Gate, Siva the God said, 'Come on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here.'

Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner.

It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked, 'God Siva, what's the deal? Why are all these clocks here in heaven?'

God Siva replied, 'The clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute.'

'For instance, this clock is for VK Lingam, the lawyer. If you watch it closely, it will move.

'Click' The minute hand on VK Lingam's clock moved one minute. 'Click' It moved another minute. 'VK Lingam must be with some judges right now.' said God Siva. 'The minute hand on his clock moves all day.'

'Why the minute hand suddenly jumps three times?'

God Siva smiles and said, 'He must have just said 'correct, correct, correct !'. I see it jumps like that quite often.'

The man and God Siva continued walking. Soon, they came to a strange looking clock with some springs sticking out.

Siva said, 'Oh ! That is Paul Augustine 's clock. During the Anwar's trial, the clock spinned so fast and the springs came out each time he said 'irrelevant and irrelevant'. Now it is moving quite smoothly'.

The man and God Siva continued their walk . They came to a clock with cobwebs on the minute hand.

'Whose clock is this?' asked the man.

That clock belongs to the Lawyer Karpal Singh. He is one of the finest, God-fearing, people on earth. I bet his clock hasn't moved in a year or two.'

They continued walking and touring heaven. The man enjoyed watching the clocks of all his friends. When the tour was finished, the man said, 'I've seen everyone's clock but Mr.Samy Vellu's. Where is his clock?

God Siva smiled, 'Just look up. We use his clock as a ceiling fan. That's why it is so cool here. '

Testicle Therapy

ST12 — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:46:04 +0800

Testicle Therapy
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched
in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of
men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin,
fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.
The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately
began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical
Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow
me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man
replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position,
still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.
She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side,
loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long
moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!

Punjabi Mathematics

ST12 — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:18:14 +0800

Punjabi woman says to her mother:
'I'm divorcing Kuldip... all he wants is anal sex and my ass**** is now the size of a 50 cent coin when it used to be the size of a 5 cent coin.'

Mother responds:
'You're married to a millionaire lawyer ...
you live in an 8 bedroom mansion in Taman Tun....
you drive a Mercedes ...
you get RM10,000 a week allowance ...
you take 6 vacations a year .....
..........and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents?'

Daddy's Phone Call

ST12 — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 14:09:16 +0800

A Daddy's Phone Call

**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**

**'Hello?'**

**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**

**'No, Daddy.**
**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**

**After a brief pause,**

**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**

**'Oh yes I do, he comes when you are not home and **
** Mommy told me to call him Uncle Paul **
**and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy,**
**Right now..'**

Brief Pause..

**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway..'**

**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**

**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**

**'I did it, Daddy.'**

**'And what happened, honey?' **

**'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on **
** and ran around screaming.**

**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**

**'Oh my God!!! What about the Uncle Paul?'**

**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**

**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And dived into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean the pool.**

**He hit the bottom of the pool with a big splat... and I think he's dead.'**

****Long Pause*****

*****Longer Pause*****

*****Even Longer Pause*****

**Then Daddy says,**

**'Swimming pool? ...........**

**Is this 486-5731?'*

**No, I think you have the wrong number........*

The Doctor's Change of Plan

ST12 — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:04:52 +0800

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina.

The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps.

He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing
as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion.
"If neither of you objects," the doctor said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed,
slathered on some honey and mounted the woman..

The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes.
"Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted,
"I'm going to drown the little b*stard!"

Holy Shit!

ST12 — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 20:36:45 +0800

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be
transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertiliser's
invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than
when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term 'Ship High In Transit ' on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term ' S.H..I.T ' , (Ship High In Transit) which has
come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

****************************

What is the fastest thing?

ST12 — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 10:47:09 +0800

THE FASTEST THING
An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified; an American, a Russian, an Australian and an Indian.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know?'

Dave, the American, replied, 'A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head.
There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought
is the fastest thing I know of.'

'That's very good!' replied the interviewer.

'And now you sir?' he asked Vladimir , the Russian. 'Hmm....
let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A
BLINK is the fastest thing I know.' 'Excellent!' said the interviewer.. 'The blink of an eye, that's a very popular clich for speed.'

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his
reply. Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.'

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. 'It's hard to beat the speed of light' he said.

Turning to Patel, the Indian, the fourth and final man, the
interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, 'Apter herring
DA preybyus ansers sir, et's obyus to me dat the fastest thing is
Diarrhea!'

'WHAT!?' said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

'You see, sir, DA ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the batrum, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had alreydi done it in my pants!

'Patel is now the new 'Greeter' at Wal-Mart