She has a boyfriend - Dilemma

Orion Pax — Sat, 28 Sep 2013 17:56:20 +0800

Dear all..

I don't really know what to say or how to say it ...but here goes..

I'm in a dilemma right now.

Bout a year and a half ago, I met this girl. Let's call her A. I've never really thought about liking her before. As time goes by, we were occasionally working together and she started showing interest towards me. At that time, i knew she had a boyfriend, and i was chasing another girl.

As a few months passed, her interest towards me was still there and at that moment I have sort of given up on the girl I was trying to go after, after I have found out that she had just got a boyfriend. I still gave A the cold shoulder most of the time, because I felt that she might not really like me for real because she has a boyfriend.

As time went by, she kept a positive way of showing interest towards me, but not a in a very obvious way. Somehow she kept me knowing that she likes me and my feelings grew for A and then i started to like her. She still showed signs of interest towards me, but we were both up and down cause i think we both knew the fact that she has a boyfriend, so i guess we kept it at a minimum flirt level. No kissing or whatever. Just showing signs of interest towards each other.

Ok i'm gonna cut the story a little short now and try to get to the point.

A few months passed and we started going out together, just the 2 of us. There was one night where she had just had a drink with her friends, she called me and came straight to my place with a champagne bottle and wanted to give it to me because she couldn't finish it. She was all red and was looking a little tipsy but she was alright. I invited her in to rest and freshen up before she drives back.

I brought her up to my bed and we talked for a little, side by side on the bed and then she said she wanted a hug because she was cold. I hugged her, and then a few seconds later she leaned in while she was on top of me and kissed me.

That night, we made love on bed, except for sex as she says she wasn't ready. I calmly abide and understood.
We started going out a few times more and also made love at my place but without sex.

There was a night, which we were together, she told me that she really likes me but she has a boyfriend. She says she that she doesn't love and care about him but feels safe and secure with him, but that she really likes me.

I then told her that i really liked her too, but I won't make a move unless she breaks up with him or gets it straight with him.

I started feeling guilty because I was in bed with another guys girlfriend.

At that time, I felt that I really liked her.

During Our last night together, a few days ago, we went out again, but i told myself that i won't do anything to ignite feelings and just make the night out with her casual. That night, I only kissed her softly on her lips but she didn't seem to reciprocate much. She usually does, alot, like kissing me back.

A few days went by and last night, while we were texting, she said she missed me.

We then talked on the phone for a bit and suddenly she talked about how she wanted to tell me that she wanted to stop what we're doing & stop hurting me but she just couldn't do it.

I felt very sad after realising what she meant..and that as a single guy, i should also stop thinking about her because she already has a boyfriend.

After that I texted her that she should just forget about me and that I'll be ok.

She then replied: No, don't say anything on chat. Just give me time to think and I will let you know, OK?
I then replied: Follow your heart, i just want you to be happy. Just forget about me. I will be alright. Trust me.

after minutes of realising what the crap i have texted her, I called her and told her i didn't mean anything i said and to just forget about it and go to sleep. She sounded like she was crying a little on the phone. then she said we'll talk later.

I then texted her that i was sorry and i wasn't thinking straight.
and then minutes later she replied: I can't go on being selfish. When a person likes or loves someone, they have to let them be happy. I really like you, and i want you to be happy, but I can't go on like this. We have to stop. I don't wanna hurt you. Just forget about me. I'm sorry.

I was then kinda devastated but was calm, i replied her: No, you really make me happy. I don't wanna stop this. I'm happy when I'm with you. You're the one good thing that has happened to me in a long time. Just stop talking and thinking now. Forget about all of this. Please wait for me..

She then called me after that and we had a little chat like nothing happened, while i was driving on the way home from work. it was around 3am.

Btw, i've been single for 5 years and had 3 ex girlfriends. she has been with her current boyfriend for around 8 years now. She is a year older than me.

Right now..i just don't know what will happen. I'm thinking that I really want to be with her. But she currently has a boyfriend, and if she really loved me, she would have have left him. We've known each other for almost 2 years. I did feel guilty as a guy, when i was in bed with her while she was still with him.

I just don't know what to think now. Here are my feelings. I've never had a successful relationship for a long time. And I really don't want to let her go. I don't want her to give up on me. I think I really love her.

what do you guys think? any advice? What do you think i should do?

Note: We never had sex. And yes, I have thought about it and have already been feeling guilty of being in bed with her.

I'm somehow thinking of this right now:
A quote from one of my favourite books, The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch:

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

Frustrating situation ..

Orion Pax — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 02:09:58 +0800

cllosed

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She has a boyfriend - Dilemma

Frustrating situation ..