Suspect Wearing Green Cap

holy_shyt — Sun, 08 Jan 2023 07:33:04 +0800

I have a wife and a 4months old baby. My marriage has been rough some months now.

My wife is the kind who likes to complain about others behind their backs like typical office amois. When the relationship was in good shape, she would often complain about her co-workers and how they messed up things daily. I always went with it as those "fillers" kept our chats longer for the benefit of the relationship. I have no doubt she complains about me behind my back too. I can confirm it whenever I peek into her chats with family or friends. My wife likes to assume bad things of me. I have been called mentally unstable behind my back when she assumed I have physically hurt my baby cheeks but those bruises are just hickies from loving her so much. I have been assumed to be irresponsible, gone out, and left my baby home alone but I was just at the car porch washing my vehicles and the baby was sound sleeping. I have been assumed to have purposely missed one of her closest friend's big wedding dinner but truthfully I had just forgotten about it. I recently tried to confront her if she ever bad mouth me but she denies it. I know my reputation amongst friends and family have been stained. However, I just remain oblivious to it.

I know I am not perfect. I am a forgetful person and I tend to forget many small things in life. Yes, my bad for forgetting stuff but I always apologies and try to make up for it. I seek equality in the marriage. Mutual care. Mutual trust. Mutual respect. I generally like to help others if I can. Of course, the wife too. However, it is hard to keep up with her demands especially feeling unappreciated and no excuses are acceptable. Occasionally, I extend my help to fill in for her day job such as parcels delivery & etc. There was this one time when she was in quarantine due to covid but still needed to fulfill her KPI. So, I went out to pickup and deliver her parcel. My motorcycle broke down midway. I was stranded for hours and I felt super tired after pushing 180kgs around and getting it towed. When I reached home, all I could think of was rest. All she asked was whether she parcel was delivered. All she cared was her KPI. Despite I told her of my situation including the big financial cost to fix my vehicle, she called me selfish, complains I care for my motorcycle more than her, and she expected me to finish her job by hook or crook the next day. Of course, I delivered the next day and that was the last time I help her with her day job. After many rounds of feeling unappreciated, I think I have been hurt and developed reluctance to help her with anything. I also developed a cold shoulder towards her. It hurts her deeply and she once retaliated by psychically whack me hard continuously from the back until I escaped into another room. I have never lifted a finger against her and I felt like being Jonny Depp for victim of domestic abuse.

After some cold shoulders, I decided to warm up to her and things were starting to be good again. I have been trying to take initiative to care for her very recently. Last night, I peeked her phone notifications and saw some incoming messages from +44 number. I confronted her about the sweet messages she's been getting and grabbed her phone to investigate further. She dismissed it saying its just a random Instagram guy who started following her account and initiated the chat with her. First, she lied saying she didn't follow the guy but her account says otherwise. Second, if the guy is nothing to her then they shouldn't move the chat out to Whatsapp. Third, even after declaring being married, she still allows the fella to push on with those sweet messages. This guy is even asking to meet up and sing karaoke when he comes to MY soon. I couldn't stand it as soon as I saw "dear" & "good night sweet dreams" messages and immediately blocked the guy on both platforms via her accounts. My wife hasn't watched the Netflix Tinder Swindler and she is oblivious. That fella could be an international swindler for all I know. I told her this chat is considered cheating in my books but she denies it. I don't know if there are other guys so far. I feel like I am wearing the green hat here.

Do you consider this as cheating? How differently would you sifus have done?

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Suspect Wearing Green Cap