Trust Issues with Wife

TedMosby — Mon, 09 May 2022 11:08:53 +0800

Lost soul seeking for an honest advice,

The Background
We have been married for 12 years, she is 39 & I am 41. We have 3 beautiful kids age 10, 5 & 2.
During the course of 12 years marriage, we do have our ups and down but I think we managed to solve conflicts we have.
I do not know if that is it or we are suppressing the issues we have.
We both dont really have issues with money as I earn more then her and our combine household income is over 20k a month which is sufficient to live comfortably,
Nevertheless money is never enough for anybody.

The Issue
Recently i found out that my wife was not being honest with the after office hours outings,
She claim that it was together with her colleague and boss as the boss has invited them for dinner.
This has happened over 3 times from December 2021(Dinner), January 2022(Dinner), February 2022(Dinner) and March 2022(Weekend lunch).
I found out after I notice an expensive branded shoe in her car during April 2022, I ask her when did she got it,
She hesitated and finally told me it was a gift from her boss. I ask if those dinner nights was it just you and your boss alone and she finally admitted the truth.
The shoe was purchase after they had lunch during the weekend at Pavilion.
I didn't really question her back during December 2021 as I trusted her right up to February 2022 I notice that the dinner was getting consistent, I texted her was it just you and your boss, when she replied no.
All these dinner they went were fine dining restaurants to rooftop restaurants around KL.
I know is ethically not right but I went through her phone to find out where exactly they have been and notice a messages back in December 2021 that her boss send her a link of top romantic restaurants in KL.
The boss has a driver that chauffeur them around.

She told me that she didn't suggest these outings and it was the boss, she claim that they have never been intimate together.
She just wanted to built rapport with the boss to gain opportunity in the company.
I ask why didn't she just tell me the truth from the beginning? She told me that because she feels I cant handle the truth.
I was devastated that my wife lied to me and went through depression and emotion state.
For weeks I was not in my best emotion and she notice that, she use that and strengthen her claim that she was right that I couldn't handle the truth.

I try picking myself up from this episode and move on, however recently i notice she started wearing the shoe.
She notice that I wasn't happy and I just kept to myself.
During my emotion state, i still carry out my duties as a family man, once the kids are asleep i just kept to myself and didn't spoke much to her.
I then found the time to explain how i honestly felt that I was not comfortable that she was wearing the shoe and she was insensitive to do that.
She stick by her belief that she done no wrong and is alright for her to be wearing it.
I even question her if it was the other way round and she was in my position, she is alright with me doing the same to her by wearing a gift which i knew was unhappy about on this episode.
She question me how long do i need to be in this emotion state as this issue has already been for a month.

Thanks for reading.

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Trust Issues with Wife