My Story

kalevein — Tue, 02 Jun 2020 13:53:42 +0800

Hi guys. Sorry I need a place to rant and share. Using dupe for obvious reason. So here is my story.

I have a best friend which i known for almost 10 years. I always visit him and his family and his family is already become my second family for me. Sometimes I will go visit them during weekends or during my holiday, similar to what i do to my family.

So, he has a lil sister. Everything was fine, she was like a younger sister for me. Our age gap is pretty far, close to 10 years difference. But in recent years, things started to change. I started to see her as a woman, not as a sister and that where the disaster started.

When I realize that I'm actually falling for her, I didnt think it would be this hard. I always thought it just a normal affection. So, I had a few girl that i know and date around. But, I notice that everytime the relationship start to move into serious direction, I will tend to abandon the relationship. I created multiple excuses, she's not compatible, she's too silent etc. Deep down, its actually because of my best friend's sister.

Recently me and her got close, we pretty much msg each other everyday. This been going for few months, and then one day it stopped. She's no longer replying to my msg or reply late. I know something was wrong somewhere. So last few day, I had a talk with her.

She mentioned that she becomes awkward with me. She said that she cant see me more than as a brother. She tried, but she said she cant. But she hopes, that our siblings relationship doesnt get affected. What she said devastated me, it feels my whole world crashing against me. I just said that if thats what u think I am, then its fine. I cant force her to love me isnt it?

For a few days, i dont feel like doing anything. Call me beta or whatever, but I cried my heart out. It feels like i lose the world that i know all these while. I feel like losing direction, i dont know what to do, what should I do from now on. It makes me realize, what I'm doing before this is actually some part of me longing for her to accept me. It is just to get her attention. So when she's gone, all the goals, the direction that i planned, it felt worthless.

Until today, i still reluctant to let her go. I feel like i should fight for her, but thats just creepy. Now i dont even know how to face her when I visit my friend and his fammily. FML.

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My Story