Lowyat.NET: Latest topics in Cupid's Corner

Forget Dating Apps, Build Your Personal Brand, Build first, date later

Ralna — Mon, 29 Jun 2026 21:57:53 +0800

It's been 2.5 months since I last wrote about Ideal Women in Their 30s and 40s. When I read back my thread, I laughed at how cute I was for being so down over two men for such a long time.

If I could advise my younger self, I'd tell her:

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OK, back to the topic.

I definitely don't want to use dating apps to meet new men again.
I feel sick and tired of replying to messages nonstop.
Most of those men fall under the red and neutral zones in my ACS.

So I've been thinking about a more organic way to meet high-quality men.

---

After some reflection, I came up with this strategy.
Instead of putting my energy into dating apps, why not put that same energy into building myself and my personal brand?

Over the next six months, I want to become the best version of myself:
• Continue my health and fitness journey (already lost 6kg and getting happy and confident again ^^)
• Grow my L&D business.
• Create content consistently.
• Share my knowledge, insights and expertise.
• Build a community around these topics.

Then I realised something.

If my content eventually reaches tens of thousands of people, statistically there will probably be quite a number of single men among my followers too.
The difference is that they'll already know who I am through my ideas, values and personality, instead of judging me based on a few photos and a short dating profile.

Based on my experience teaching nearly 5,000 students so far, I've realised that people who resonate with my style tend to stick around for a long time. Many of my adult students became regulars, and my classes were almost always fully booked. At one point, my academic manager even joked that I had developed a "cult following" of students. The academy eventually had to tweak the booking system because my classes filled up too quickly. There were even times when my class was fully booked while another teacher teaching the same class at the same time had no students at all.

Throughout my 15 years in education, my teaching evaluations have consistently been either 5/5 stars or above 90%.
I'm simply taking the same strengths that have worked well for me and applying them to social media.

If, along the way, a like-minded man happens to discover my content and appreciates me for my ideas, values, personality (and maybe my voice too ), I'd say that's a much better starting point than matching on a dating app. Even if I don't meet anyone, I still end up with a healthier body, a stronger business, a recognised personal brand, and hopefully a positive impact on others.

Worst-case scenario: no boyfriend, but got money, business and popularity. Still a good deal ma. LOL.
Best-case scenario: got a boyfriend plus money, business and popularity.

Can't lose either way. Sounds like a much better investment of my time and energy than endlessly swiping left and right and replying to messages.

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That said, I'm curious.

Do you follow any female influencers or content creators?
What makes you keep following them?
Is it their looks, personality, knowledge, lifestyle, humour... or something else?

Feel free to share some examples. I'm looking for inspiration while building my own personal brand, and I'm curious what qualities make someone worth following in the long run.

Why I Said Yes or No to Men, My Admirer Classification System

Ralna — Tue, 09 Jun 2026 01:54:20 +0800

Starting this thread to answer a question Takudan asked me in April, after I discussed the men who pursued me:

QUOTE(Takudan @ Apr 22 2026, 02:33 AM)

In your posts so far, you've described every man "successful/high quality" based on their career/business success, and you wonder why you didn't say yes? I'm sure you noticed other traits, like maybe they weren't carrying the conversation well, maybe you didn't feel seen/understood... Isn't it worth mentioning that too?
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I finally have the mood and bandwidth to write about some of the men who have pursued me over the years.

After some reflection, I realised I had subconsciously built what I call an "Admirer Classification System" (ACS) to filter and evaluate potential admirers. Before anyone asks, this is simply my personal framework based on my own experiences. Different women evaluate men differently, so this is not meant to be universal.

I'm a highly intuitive and kinesthetic woman. I experience the world largely through observation, sensory acuity, pattern recognition, and intuition. Much of my assessment happens subconsciously through my interactions and experiences with men.

Over time, I noticed that the men who entered my life tended to fall into three broad zones and seven categories:

Predator | Evaluator | Opportunist | Unsuitable| Compatible | Click | Match

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🔴 Red Zone

Predator = Seeks to take. Pushes boundaries, manipulates, pressures, or pursues primarily for self-interest.

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Evaluator = Seeks to assess. Constantly judging, comparing, screening, or measuring whether I meet his criteria.

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Opportunist = Seeks to benefit. Investment and interest fluctuate depending on convenience, circumstances, or personal gain.

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⚪ Neutral Zone

Unsuitable = Not necessarily a bad man. Simply not a suitable fit for me personally.

The reasons vary greatly:
- No physical attraction
- Different values or life goals
- No intellectual connection
- Poor attitude or bad manners
- Something simply feels off

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🟢 Green Zone

Compatible = There is potential. Shared values, mutual respect, reasonable attraction, and a sense of comfort.

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Click = Conversation flows naturally. We enjoy each other's company. There is chemistry, curiosity, and mutual understanding.

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Match = The rare combination of compatibility, connection, attraction, timing, character, and shared direction. Potential life-partner material.

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Overall, this is how I experience and evaluate potential admirers based on trust, character, compatibility, and connection.

Of course, I can usually tell when a man is trying to present a polished version of himself rather than his authentic self. Something just feels off, and he will often end up in the Unsuitable category, even when I don't know much about him yet. I trust my intuition.

My advice is simple: approach women as a decent and sincere man. Don't try to impress, perform, or become someone you think she wants. The right woman is not looking for a perfect man. She is looking for a man she can trust, respect, enjoy being around, and potentially build a future with.

Personally, I like it when men are naturally relaxed around me, and I feel most comfortable that way too. The few men I have clicked or matched with were able to tease, joke, play, and laugh with me. We could also share our flaws and difficult times without fear of being judged. There was no need to pretend or perform. We simply accepted each other as we were. It's a comfortable and reassuring feeling, and one that I value deeply.

There are times when I wish the circumstances had been different and the timing had been better for us, but I also remind myself not to keep looking backwards, and not to live in memories or possibilities anymore.

Perhaps one day, I will meet the man with whom everything finally aligns. I do not know who he is, but I will continue to wait faithfully and prepare myself for the day our paths cross. ❤️

some advice please about getting to know a lady,

supermoto — Sat, 06 Jun 2026 10:53:01 +0800

jjhj

If you love somebody...,

novblaze — Fri, 05 Jun 2026 20:14:54 +0800

Pickleball romance,

yungkit14 — Wed, 03 Jun 2026 18:49:43 +0800

This so called sport still in the trend to find love or not ?
Is it rather just more to advertisement and marketing than the aspect of actual health improvement ?

Got me curious because of one redditor posted that sport and it sank down into the deep sea just like Titanic because that fella was posting about his sister instead of him via pickleball.

Open for advices and views

My final ephipany about dating and relationships, just sharing

-mystery- — Sat, 30 May 2026 13:04:13 +0800

I started enter this dating scene quite late
not because I'm ugly looking or what
but I was extremely clueless with how girls think
a girl looks innocent, yet like a foreign creature in front of me
I have always not knowing what I'm speaking about
when I entered his online arena
I had a skepticism about men and women dating marketplace
I was curious about why women like to cheat on men
why would they choose to ditch the guy after she able to fully capitalize her own sexual market value

it was a constant angry and depressed state
because the truth is finally slowly revealed to me
yet my recognition and belief system plus field experiences not able to be on par with the new reality
hence I have this dilemma in my part
I want to have more success with women
yet the superego tells me women can suck so bad
and it lasted at least a few years...

fast forward awhile ago
I started to have some success
women started to react towards me
I was being more like an asshole cold icy type so called "alpha" male
because the book says, it's supposed to be what typical girl likes
most women cannot figure out how I think especially my feelings
because I've always been this mysterious guy who comes and go
so I have lost many girls in the process
some better looking and sweet
yet my mental state wasn't there with them
I have dated a lot of women, yet I could count how many I had a more meaningful conversation

so the more I date
the more I deeply realize there's something I want to prove
not necessarily to myself,
but I want to prove to outsiders that I'm able to date some hot girls
It could also mean from a place or scarcity
that if I do not date any girls
does it mean I'm not good enough as a man?
along these years, I've finally realized that
women, money or success cannot be binded to your own personal sense of value
otherwise you will unconsciously entrapping onto chasing these endless tails

I'm not saying money isnt good, women may not be wonderful
but to bind our sense of identity onto these impermanent factors of life, is destined to make our life suffering
and I agree, most people would choose to suffer most of the time, because this is what gives them a meaning

and when you are so busy chasing these external things in your life
like my dead father who sacrifices a lot to this family
maybe your old belief system is not working anymore
that's why psychology says
your subconscious protects you in your childhood
but if it doesn't transcend, you may not be a fully free spirit eventhough already had a lot of materialism

and I see the there are a lot of materials online nowadays
teaching people how to improve themselves
the more we read, the more we paralyze ourselves what to do
because deep down we still feel we ain't good enough
so better to watch out what people is mentally feeding us
because sometimes it's not about add in more
but learn how to 断舍离

Peace out,
a long time forumer.

Actually men are very misunderstood,

novblaze — Fri, 29 May 2026 20:06:47 +0800

Men Over 50 Falling in Love Again, Attraction, Romance, and Age Gaps

Ralna — Sun, 24 May 2026 22:48:01 +0800

I find myself caught in another unexpected plot twist again.

So, a month ago in April 2026, I wrote this in another thread:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

QUOTE(Ralna @ Apr 18 2026, 11:49 PM)

Something interesting happened tonight (Sat night). I went to an event and arrived early, around 7 pm, so I sat alone at a table with a piece of cake while waiting for it to begin. I was quietly enjoying the moment when an older man approached me with a warm smile and said he loved cake too. That simple comment turned into a conversation about desserts. He then introduced himself using his first name, asked for my name, shook my hand, sat down, and continued chatting.

The conversation flowed naturally from there. He asked for my phone number and then started sharing what he’s currently working on. When I asked what inspired him to write the book, he opened up more deeply and began sharing his life story. He spoke about his career, the ups and downs he had gone through, and a particularly difficult period when he almost went bankrupt before managing to turn things around.

He was formerly a dato who had spent decades in property development before retiring. So yes, his stories revolved around construction, investment, and banking. He had run businesses as both a CEO and a shareholder. His experiences were quite uncommon, and I found myself genuinely interested, responding with natural curiosity and engagement as he spoke.

We ended up chatting for about 45 minutes, until the event started at 8 pm. Then, at 9:42 pm, after the event ended, he messaged me saying it was nice chatting with me. I replied warmly, saying I’d attend his book launch, and he responded with a love emoji.

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Okay, I don’t know what will happen in the future, but this isn’t the first time older men have noticed me and tried to chat me up. I’m wondering what draws them to me.

I suppose it’s the way I carry myself. Like tonight, I was quiet and feminine, wearing a navy blue dress with long straight hair, just enjoying my cake alone in the crowd.

Hmm... Come to think of it, my best friend and guys always enjoy watching me eat cake. I cut it into small pieces with my fork and savour them slowly, one by one, smiling the whole time. They say I look so happy, and they just sit there watching me.

Maybe that’s attractive to men.
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An update on what happened recently:

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A month later, in May, he messaged me again to remind me to attend his event. I missed the message and only replied days later, one day before the event. After that, he replied within about a minute to every message. His tone stayed warm and playful, with plenty of emojis.

Then came the event day. I registered at the counter and bought a copy of his book. He was elsewhere, busy talking to and greeting guests. I thought I shouldn't interrupt him, and I felt a little awkward standing there since I didn't know anyone.

So before the event started, I was already seated in the audience, quietly reading his book. He was at the main entrance greeting guests. Then about ten minutes later, he walked over to where I was sitting, called my name, and I looked up and stood up. He shook my hand and said he noticed me in my pink dress the moment I stepped in...

I smiled and congratulated him on the book launch.

*

During the event, I found out that he had invited different circles from his communities, but I belonged to neither. When people asked me how I had been invited, I was like... uh... (private invite?? I didn't really know how to explain it, so I used another way. 😅)

Then I noticed something interesting. At one point, he mentioned to the audience he was divorced. Then throughout his public sharing, another three times, he said he had married the wrong woman and that his relationship had been a failure. His biz friend then joked that he should get a new woman again and the audience laughed.

*

Towards the end of the event, when he was signing my book, he asked for my name again. So I said, "(my first name)." Then he immediately mentioned our first meeting again and said something like, "A month ago we chatted..." while smiling and signing the book.

I left shortly after because I had another event to attend.

*

Later that evening, I messaged him again to congratulate him and told him I enjoyed the event. I mentioned a few reasons why I found value in it and thanked him for inviting me. He replied within 3 minutes, and seemed happy that I found value in the event.

I encouraged him to keep moving forward. Then I said, "Keep in touch and have a great week ahead." He replied with a love emoji again and said yes with a thumbs up.

Now I find myself feeling puzzled...

I'm wondering whether he's simply being friendly or if it's like what my guy friend said, that this dato guy actually has some interest in me.
My male friend said middle-aged men approach women very differently from younger men, much more patiently, maturely, and intentionally.
He told me to be a bit more, uh, prepared for what might be coming because he doesn't think this dato guy would give up just like that...

Then my friend suddenly teased me: "Consider la... dato wor... successful, luxury cars, bungalow... Who knows one day become datin leh..." 😏
Me: Yeah but... ??

Gosh. Urgh. This is like the third time a middle-aged man (50+) has become fond of me and either confessed his feelings or made a move...
I also dunno how to navigate this tactfully. I mean, feelings are feelings, but reality is... ??

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Sometimes I really don't understand men la. Like... Why?
Our age gap is so huge (20–30 years)... haih.

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I'm trying to understand the psychology of older men here.
I just can't brain this because I'm not male. 😅

Some questions keep popping into my head:

1. What usually attracts older men to younger women in the first place? Is it mainly looks, femininity, energy, personality, companionship, emotional peace, or something else?

2. Do older men approach women differently compared to younger men? More patient, more intentional, less emotionally intense, or just different in other ways?

3. At that stage of life, are they usually seeking romance, companionship, emotional warmth, peace, or simply enjoying someone's company?

4. How much does age actually matter from a male perspective? Do men think about practical things like age gaps early on, or only later?

5. When older men become fond of someone, how can you tell the difference between simple warmth/friendliness and actual romantic interest?

Please explain it to me in a way that a female brain can understand, and help me understand why older men may think and behave this way.

My Relationship Reflections, Personal Journal

Ralna — Sat, 23 May 2026 07:41:19 +0800

Writing this at 5 a.m. because I've been feeling quite confused. I'm trying to sort out my feelings.

TL;DR:

After two painful relationship experiences, I was slowly trying to rebuild myself again. I started focusing on my health, appearance, business, and getting back on my feet. During that process, I unexpectedly met an engineer who made me start thinking seriously again about marriage, children, and a future I had mentally suspended for years.

Our connection felt natural and comfortable. But while I was slowly developing emotional clarity, he was already evaluating long-term compatibility seriously. His questions about family time, future direction, relocation, and lifestyle made me suddenly realise something I had never deeply processed before: marriage and motherhood in another country could completely reshape my current life.

Before I fully caught up emotionally, he suddenly ended things because he felt we might not be aligned in our future direction.

And then, unexpectedly, another man reappeared and has been patiently staying around while my warmth, laughter, and hope slowly return.

So now I'm sitting here feeling confused and grieving because I think I'm mourning not just a person, but also the future story I had already started imagining.

I'm trying to understand my feelings before making any decisions.

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The full story:

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Then something happened that I never expected.

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I just need a place to let this out. I’ll heal in my own time.

No replies needed for now. I’ll reopen the thread when I’m ready to reply or share further reflections.

Future Planning for International Marriage, Realities, practicalities, and logistics

Ralna — Wed, 13 May 2026 09:54:05 +0800

I'm looking for input on the realities, practicalities and logistics of an international marriage.

Some entertaining background story:
(feel free to skip, it’s a bit dramatised haha)

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Ok serious questions to help me process better.

Although I don’t really know if we’ll ever get to that marriage stage (my previous broken engagement made me a bit more cautious about these things),
I think I should start thinking about what might realistically happen if we actually do get married.

That means:
- selling/renting out my apartment?
- leaving my current life in Malaysia?
- adapting to a completely different culture and weather?
- possibly pausing my career for a while if we have children?
- rebuilding my social circle from zero?

How difficult was relocation emotionally and mentally?
Is it realistic to maintain your own career after moving overseas?

I think my brain is only starting to catch up now because everything escalated emotionally so fast.
My brain is still buffering like Windows XP running on 1GB RAM.

No wonder he kept asking questions like:
“How much time do you allocate for family?”
“What kind of life do you want?”
“Have you thought of leaving Malaysia?”
“Do you like travelling?”
“How do you see yourself in five years?”

At that time I thought we were just having casual conversations...

Apparently bro had already opened “Potential Wife Candidate Evaluation Framework v2.3”
and managing relationship like an E&E engineering project. XD

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So yeah, feel free to share your input on the realities, practicalities and logistics of an international marriage, which includes things like relocation, lifestyle adjustment, career continuity, emotional adaptation, family integration, children, long-term compatibility, and rebuilding life overseas (UK/EU or somewhere far from Malaysia). ^^

Becoming A Wife and A Mother, Reflections on love, family, and future

Ralna — Mon, 04 May 2026 19:03:05 +0800

I’ve been in a good mood again recently after my last reflection. Also… hehe… it caught the attention of an accomplished E&E engineer , so now we’re getting to know each other. We’ve been chatting daily with video call for almost two weeks now. He’s a gentleman. I like how we interact, and I like him as a person. Both of us want marriage and family, but we haven't decided to start anything yet; still early stage.

Recently, I'm thinking that I might be a bit… erm, too playful for him. I’ve been showing him photos of my lifestyle.

My life is full of fun, and I intentionally choose to live this way. ↓↓

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Okay, back to the story. He asked me how I allocate my time per day and week, so I actually quantified it for him. 😆

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Then he said I spent 67% of time for myself
work 25%
chat 10% - with friends and family

(me: erm... first time an engineer analyses my time like this…)

He said he would spend at least 25% of his time for family.

I told him that since I’m currently single and living alone, I haven’t really allocated much time to family.
He said there’s no right or wrong, just a matter of choice. Then he added that every choice comes with a price.

Today, I reflected on what he said and suddenly realised…
yahor, if I get married and become a wife and mother, my whole lifestyle will have to change. 😲😲😲

Suddenly I just felt like, oh sh*t… am I ready for that??!!

OMG this is mind-blowing for me. Now I finally understand what he is asking me.

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So I'm opening this thread to ask these questions:

What changes usually happen in real life when:
- a woman gets married?
- she has her first child?
- she has more children?

& What expectations does a husband usually have on his wife?

I haven’t really thought deeply about these before because I’ve been single for so long, and my plans for marriage and family have been suspended for many years. ChatGPT and online articles can offer some answers, but I’d also like to hear more perspectives beyond the generic ones.

So, please share your experiences as a spouse or a parent.

Terima kasih banyak-banyak. ❤️❤️❤️

Financial responsibilities, When staying together

Sotsotzaii — Sun, 03 May 2026 15:57:04 +0800

Hello, just here to seek some advice and general opinion on how most people ( though it's tailored to each couple accordingly ) handle such situations.

I have been together with my gf for almost close to 2 years now. So in a relationship, there always must be a balance, one person cannot be doing everything, both parties are expected to contribute in every angle, so I want to find the most balance method for what I'm about to bring up.

My girlfriend is working in Singapore, I met her through online and after a period of chatting, we met and immediately got along well, we got together after awhile, and since we got together, she would travel from Singapore to JB ( where I'm from ) for us to spend time together, most time once a week or once every two weeks if she's going back to KL, that was the arrangement and how we would meet and spend time together before she decided to move to JB.

So last year she mentioned that she have this plan to move into JB, find a place to rent, then travel to work in Singapore by carpool, in between there were a lot of considerations but I'll just skip that because my concern in this post today is not about those, so fast forward she moved in to JB, and quite naturally I moved in to the place that she's renting as well, she rented the whole place, it's a small apartment, so it's just nice for the two of us. Ever since then, she pays the rental, I pay the utilities and the daily necessities and whatever else needed. I offered to share the rental with her but she say it's fine, I just have to finance the other stuff, everything has been good since then, and it's still all good now.

Above is just some backstory, so here comes the main show, she bought a landed house few months ago, the house should be ready by end of this year, as expected, I'll be moving in with her into her new house when the house is done. My question is, since I would be living together with her, in her house, and legally it's hers, should I offer to share some amount on the mortgage ? Or it's better to offer to pay everything else like utilities etc, which is what I'm doing now ? I also offered to come up some money for her house renovations, including furniture and what not.

Of course, I'll be having a sit-down with her to discuss the financials responsibilities before we even move in to her new house, but before I do that, just want to post it here to ask for opinions and see how you guys handle such situations ?

P/S - For those wondering, I do have a family house in JB and I do go back sometimes, but ever since she moved into JB, it very naturally became that I live with her, because she also asks if I would be staying with her if she does move into JB, which I agreed, and that has been the arrangement since the beginning.

Ideal Women in Their 30s and 40s, Exploring Men’s Preferences

Ralna — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 00:49:07 +0800

After I decide to focus on my physique and business, I start planning my fitness routine and meet my biz friends to discuss some collaboration.

Although I am still a bit sad over my past two relationships, I tell myself to get back on my feet again. Honestly, I haven’t done much work in the past two months. I tell myself I can’t go on like this la… I should keep myself looking good and presentable, and not let myself become so discouraged and run down. 要把自己打扮得漂漂亮亮的，不要这么颓废。

Then I look at my photos and realise I can aim to be like those Korean actresses in their 40s: still beautiful, in good shape, feminine, successful, healthy…

I then recall how the younger me used to attract much attention, starting at the age of 17.

Here are some funny incidents that happened in real life:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Then I ask myself, where is that version of me?
It feels long gone because I have been so… down.

Anyway, my purpose of starting this thread is to get inspiration from men and motivate myself.
I'm also quite curious what guys actually like these days.

So, what kind of women do you like?
I mean in terms of appearance (face, body, hair) and fashion, especially Asian women in their mid-thirties to early forties.

Feel free to share some photos here for my reference. It can be your 心目中的女神 (dream woman), models, actresses, etc. Any women you really like. You can also add some explanation about what you like about them.

Analytical vs Artistic Men, Two Ends of The Spectrum

Ralna — Thu, 26 Feb 2026 22:12:06 +0800

Today, a visual artist pursued me. He draws and paints on canvas and sells his work to collectors for a living. That’s interesting. I never knew I’d attract men from the other end of the spectrum.

Analytical, structured, logic-driven men <--------------------> creative, expressive, aesthetic-driven men.

Quite a spectrum to explore.

---

I wonder how many guys here are creative and artistic. Probably not many, since this is more of a tech forum.

But… in your free time, do you explore art or anything creative?

just sharing my story and venting,

Nivk08 — Sun, 25 Jan 2026 00:35:12 +0800

hi all,

recently got back to reading cupid corner in hopes of searching for solutions.
but this is just for me to vent/share and hoping other souls out there will learn from this.

tldr;
- been with gf from about 8 years where in the middle 3-4 years was semi LDR
- been on various trips together and made lots of precious memories

bit about me:
- I can't multitask, can't plan things perfectly to a tee that she expects me to
- can't remember everything down to the finest details which she doesn't like
- talk a bit too loud for her liking

about her:
- what can i say..she is work and study machine. in fact she's studying med related field now
- she seems to excel in everything she does from work to studies
- has strong mindset and personality
- prefers her way of doing things 99% of the time

what i tried over the years:
- pickup hobbies to match with her (worked well)
- try to reduce my pitfalls (talking more softly, using apps to take notes)
- try to plan things better

but ofcourse, there is only so much a person can do.

how i upset her:
- stupidly sharing my heart pains with my mum which got leaked to her
- trying to reach out to her via her family members when we're fighting
- raised my voice at her
- (im sure there's plenty more..i'm probably biased and in favor of myself)

things she got upset with me:
- i made a list of stuff she got mad for me over the years
- was slow to reply her messages
- brought iced coffee but was diluted as i drove over 40mins. was asked why i didn't buy it from nearer shop.
- didn't make hot coffee her way..which I kid you not (run hot water in mug, time the milk frothing and mokapot to match together etc etc)
- said I needed to mute some joint whatsapp group for sometime to do some deep work
- getting mad is 1 thing. i dont mid being scolded a bit etc or lashed out.
however, her method is using silent treatment. the longest 1 was at the end of my LDR period where she went almost a month of cold war. I almost lost my mind and had to do a bunch of other stuff to stay sane (binge watch netflix, gym etc)

her behavior:
- everytime when she gets mad at me, she uses
- silent treatment (which could go from days to weeks)
- not looking at me in the eye, walking away from me
- not acknowleging me when i'm near

how i felt:
- that i need to read her mind a lot of times when she went silient (some of them I dont know what even went wrong till much later)
- that i had to walk on eggshells to not make her mad

how she felt:
- that i didn't respect her space (when i visited her when during the fight)
- that i was playing the victim card (which i admit i do sometimes)
- that i wasn't doing enough for the relationship (i.e. planning things better, getting her darn coffee the way she likes etc )

how fights usually end:
- most of the time I would apologize for hurting her (some which I deeply feel are silly things to get mad/hurt at)
- or till she ran out of gas magically and things get back to normal

formation of a pattern:
- i start to feel there's a pattern which i can't break out of.
- i fear for my heart and sense of worth if i have to endure these extreme cycles for several years to come
- i'm not sure if this is called narcissism .... if it is then i have no idea of bringing this up to her without another fight breaking out.

reflections:
- for the longest time, I dont mind enduring as i feel i should put her needs above mine and she's everything to me.
- I feel I may never be able to reach her expectations (she hates it when i say this)
- for the past week or so, I have been day dreaming of just moving to a bachelor pad and do some healing and focus on myself for a while
- i also fear i would end up alone and wont find anyone like her anymore
- i know relationships need work/compromise/understanding. But I feel like i dont have anything left in me to give to her.
- i feel hollow sometimes and went into panic attack thinking of breaking up.
- but lately I also dream of a day when my partner can communicate openly to me when she's mad or sad. and not having me mindread like professor X

what i hope/did:
- i recently confronted her in a fight by starting to set my boundaries and pointing out the toxic silent treatments. But things doesn't look too good either as i'm in the midst of yet another silent treatment period.
- i hope for us to start a journey of healing and forgiving from both ends but i'm just very numb now and wish to be alone more than ever

thanks for reading and saga to be continued...

Would you want to be a househusband?, If given a choice

Ralna — Sun, 11 Jan 2026 17:08:25 +0800

I’ve been reflecting on something lately and I’m genuinely curious to hear what men think.

If given the choice, would you want to be a househusband?

Imagine this scenario. Your wife earns significantly more and is happy to be the main breadwinner.

In return, you:
- take care of the kids
- wake up early to prepare breakfast and send them to school
- manage household chores (cooking, cleaning, groceries, etc.)
- have the freedom to earn some pocket money through your hobbies or passion projects, if you wish
- still enjoy personal time, whether that’s gaming, going to the gym, or hanging out with friends

Your wife respects and appreciates your role in managing the household and doesn’t look down on you for earning less. She believes that having a father who is consistently present in the children’s lives is important.

She also works from home and co-parents actively, but prefers to focus most of her energy on building financial security for the family.

Would this kind of lifestyle appeal to you? Why or why not?

Belittling Your Partner - Healthy or Condescending, Here we go

redracer2004 — Fri, 02 Jan 2026 09:31:42 +0800

Now, I wanna talk about 1 interesting topic which is belittling your partner.

I seen my friend kena the wife saying loudly in front of us "Don't nerd always see pretty or not. See this guy, totally not handsome but I chose to marry him."

They just married mind you guys.

Do you think these banter are healthy?

anyone still see your ex in your dream?, waking up feeling sad

noobmaster_69 — Sun, 14 Dec 2025 10:07:41 +0800

so, we broke up for about 10-11 months but suddenly today i saw her in my dream. at first we were talking, picking her up from her work, but my car broke down and i went to garage. by the time, i turned around, i saw her waving at me and she jumped on another guy car... i woke up feeling sad.. i know it implies she has moved on with another guy... although it is just a dream but i still feel sad. anyone experience this before or just me?

Do guys need a nice car?,

Wholecats — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 19:10:29 +0800

I’m a single mid-30s guy in KL. Upper middle income, not rich. I still drive a 10 year old Proton that I got from my fresh grad job. Still drives and looks ok.

I own and stay at a nice condo but drive a cheap car. I probably have the cheapest car in terms of residual value of the entire condo car park.

Got out of a 3y+ relationship. Been single the past 1 year. I used to take pride in being prudent but recently I’ve been dating around (nothing stuck so far) and I do get self-conscious when my date sees me driving an old Proton.

Should I buy a new car so it reflects my current financial level (no longer fresh-grad salary)? I’m thinking of getting an EV actually. There’s still time before the tax incentives expire this year.

Some uncles having affair, Why happens let's discuss

JokerNymous — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 12:47:29 +0800