Lowyat.NET: Latest topics in Cupid's Corner

Future Planning for International Marriage, Realities, practicalities, and logistics

Ralna — Wed, 13 May 2026 09:54:05 +0800

I'm looking for input on the realities, practicalities and logistics of an international marriage.

Some entertaining background story:
(feel free to skip, it’s a bit dramatised haha)

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Ok serious questions to help me process better.

Although I don’t really know if we’ll ever get to that marriage stage (my previous broken engagement made me a bit more cautious about these things),
I think I should start thinking about what might realistically happen if we actually do get married.

That means:
- selling/renting out my apartment?
- leaving my current life in Malaysia?
- adapting to a completely different culture and weather?
- possibly pausing my career for a while if we have children?
- rebuilding my social circle from zero?

How difficult was relocation emotionally and mentally?
Is it realistic to maintain your own career after moving overseas?

I think my brain is only starting to catch up now because everything escalated emotionally so fast.
My brain is still buffering like Windows XP running on 1GB RAM.

No wonder he kept asking questions like:
“How much time do you allocate for family?”
“What kind of life do you want?”
“Have you thought of leaving Malaysia?”
“Do you like travelling?”
“How do you see yourself in five years?”

At that time I thought we were just having casual conversations...

Apparently bro had already opened “Potential Wife Candidate Evaluation Framework v2.3”
and managing relationship like an E&E engineering project. XD

---

So yeah, feel free to share your input on the realities, practicalities and logistics of an international marriage, which includes things like relocation, lifestyle adjustment, career continuity, emotional adaptation, family integration, children, long-term compatibility, and rebuilding life overseas (UK/EU or somewhere far from Malaysia). ^^

Becoming A Wife and A Mother, Reflections on love, family, and future

Ralna — Mon, 04 May 2026 19:03:05 +0800

I’ve been in a good mood again recently after my last reflection. Also… hehe… it caught the attention of an accomplished E&E engineer , so now we’re getting to know each other. We’ve been chatting daily with video call for almost two weeks now. He’s a gentleman. I like how we interact, and I like him as a person. Both of us want marriage and family, but we haven't decided to start anything yet; still early stage.

Recently, I'm thinking that I might be a bit… erm, too playful for him. I’ve been showing him photos of my lifestyle.

My life is full of fun, and I intentionally choose to live this way. ↓↓

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

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Okay, back to the story. He asked me how I allocate my time per day and week, so I actually quantified it for him. 😆

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Then he said I spent 67% of time for myself
work 25%
chat 10% - with friends and family

(me: erm... first time an engineer analyses my time like this…)

He said he would spend at least 25% of his time for family.

I told him that since I’m currently single and living alone, I haven’t really allocated much time to family.
He said there’s no right or wrong, just a matter of choice. Then he added that every choice comes with a price.

Today, I reflected on what he said and suddenly realised…
yahor, if I get married and become a wife and mother, my whole lifestyle will have to change. 😲😲😲

Suddenly I just felt like, oh sh*t… am I ready for that??!!

OMG this is mind-blowing for me. Now I finally understand what he is asking me.

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

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So I'm opening this thread to ask these questions:

What changes usually happen in real life when:
- a woman gets married?
- she has her first child?
- she has more children?

& What expectations does a husband usually have on his wife?

I haven’t really thought deeply about these before because I’ve been single for so long, and my plans for marriage and family have been suspended for many years. ChatGPT and online articles can offer some answers, but I’d also like to hear more perspectives beyond the generic ones.

So, please share your experiences as a spouse or a parent.

Terima kasih banyak-banyak. ❤️❤️❤️

Financial responsibilities, When staying together

Sotsotzaii — Sun, 03 May 2026 15:57:04 +0800

Hello, just here to seek some advice and general opinion on how most people ( though it's tailored to each couple accordingly ) handle such situations.

I have been together with my gf for almost close to 2 years now. So in a relationship, there always must be a balance, one person cannot be doing everything, both parties are expected to contribute in every angle, so I want to find the most balance method for what I'm about to bring up.

My girlfriend is working in Singapore, I met her through online and after a period of chatting, we met and immediately got along well, we got together after awhile, and since we got together, she would travel from Singapore to JB ( where I'm from ) for us to spend time together, most time once a week or once every two weeks if she's going back to KL, that was the arrangement and how we would meet and spend time together before she decided to move to JB.

So last year she mentioned that she have this plan to move into JB, find a place to rent, then travel to work in Singapore by carpool, in between there were a lot of considerations but I'll just skip that because my concern in this post today is not about those, so fast forward she moved in to JB, and quite naturally I moved in to the place that she's renting as well, she rented the whole place, it's a small apartment, so it's just nice for the two of us. Ever since then, she pays the rental, I pay the utilities and the daily necessities and whatever else needed. I offered to share the rental with her but she say it's fine, I just have to finance the other stuff, everything has been good since then, and it's still all good now.

Above is just some backstory, so here comes the main show, she bought a landed house few months ago, the house should be ready by end of this year, as expected, I'll be moving in with her into her new house when the house is done. My question is, since I would be living together with her, in her house, and legally it's hers, should I offer to share some amount on the mortgage ? Or it's better to offer to pay everything else like utilities etc, which is what I'm doing now ? I also offered to come up some money for her house renovations, including furniture and what not.

Of course, I'll be having a sit-down with her to discuss the financials responsibilities before we even move in to her new house, but before I do that, just want to post it here to ask for opinions and see how you guys handle such situations ?

P/S - For those wondering, I do have a family house in JB and I do go back sometimes, but ever since she moved into JB, it very naturally became that I live with her, because she also asks if I would be staying with her if she does move into JB, which I agreed, and that has been the arrangement since the beginning.

Ideal Women in Their 30s and 40s, Exploring Men’s Preferences

Ralna — Sun, 12 Apr 2026 00:49:07 +0800

After I decide to focus on my physique and business, I start planning my fitness routine and meet my biz friends to discuss some collaboration.

Although I am still a bit sad over my past two relationships, I tell myself to get back on my feet again. Honestly, I haven’t done much work in the past two months. I tell myself I can’t go on like this la… I should keep myself looking good and presentable, and not let myself become so discouraged and run down. 要把自己打扮得漂漂亮亮的，不要这么颓废。

Then I look at my photos and realise I can aim to be like those Korean actresses in their 40s: still beautiful, in good shape, feminine, successful, healthy…

I then recall how the younger me used to attract much attention, starting at the age of 17.

Here are some funny incidents that happened in real life:

» Click to show Spoiler - click again to hide... «

Then I ask myself, where is that version of me?
It feels long gone because I have been so… down.

Anyway, my purpose of starting this thread is to get inspiration from men and motivate myself.
I'm also quite curious what guys actually like these days.

So, what kind of women do you like?
I mean in terms of appearance (face, body, hair) and fashion, especially Asian women in their mid-thirties to early forties.

Feel free to share some photos here for my reference. It can be your 心目中的女神 (dream woman), models, actresses, etc. Any women you really like. You can also add some explanation about what you like about them.

Analytical vs Artistic Men, Two Ends of The Spectrum

Ralna — Thu, 26 Feb 2026 22:12:06 +0800

Today, a visual artist pursued me. He draws and paints on canvas and sells his work to collectors for a living. That’s interesting. I never knew I’d attract men from the other end of the spectrum.

Analytical, structured, logic-driven men <--------------------> creative, expressive, aesthetic-driven men.

Quite a spectrum to explore.

---

I wonder how many guys here are creative and artistic. Probably not many, since this is more of a tech forum.

But… in your free time, do you explore art or anything creative?

just sharing my story and venting,

Nivk08 — Sun, 25 Jan 2026 00:35:12 +0800

hi all,

recently got back to reading cupid corner in hopes of searching for solutions.
but this is just for me to vent/share and hoping other souls out there will learn from this.

tldr;
- been with gf from about 8 years where in the middle 3-4 years was semi LDR
- been on various trips together and made lots of precious memories

bit about me:
- I can't multitask, can't plan things perfectly to a tee that she expects me to
- can't remember everything down to the finest details which she doesn't like
- talk a bit too loud for her liking

about her:
- what can i say..she is work and study machine. in fact she's studying med related field now
- she seems to excel in everything she does from work to studies
- has strong mindset and personality
- prefers her way of doing things 99% of the time

what i tried over the years:
- pickup hobbies to match with her (worked well)
- try to reduce my pitfalls (talking more softly, using apps to take notes)
- try to plan things better

but ofcourse, there is only so much a person can do.

how i upset her:
- stupidly sharing my heart pains with my mum which got leaked to her
- trying to reach out to her via her family members when we're fighting
- raised my voice at her
- (im sure there's plenty more..i'm probably biased and in favor of myself)

things she got upset with me:
- i made a list of stuff she got mad for me over the years
- was slow to reply her messages
- brought iced coffee but was diluted as i drove over 40mins. was asked why i didn't buy it from nearer shop.
- didn't make hot coffee her way..which I kid you not (run hot water in mug, time the milk frothing and mokapot to match together etc etc)
- said I needed to mute some joint whatsapp group for sometime to do some deep work
- getting mad is 1 thing. i dont mid being scolded a bit etc or lashed out.
however, her method is using silent treatment. the longest 1 was at the end of my LDR period where she went almost a month of cold war. I almost lost my mind and had to do a bunch of other stuff to stay sane (binge watch netflix, gym etc)

her behavior:
- everytime when she gets mad at me, she uses
- silent treatment (which could go from days to weeks)
- not looking at me in the eye, walking away from me
- not acknowleging me when i'm near

how i felt:
- that i need to read her mind a lot of times when she went silient (some of them I dont know what even went wrong till much later)
- that i had to walk on eggshells to not make her mad

how she felt:
- that i didn't respect her space (when i visited her when during the fight)
- that i was playing the victim card (which i admit i do sometimes)
- that i wasn't doing enough for the relationship (i.e. planning things better, getting her darn coffee the way she likes etc )

how fights usually end:
- most of the time I would apologize for hurting her (some which I deeply feel are silly things to get mad/hurt at)
- or till she ran out of gas magically and things get back to normal

formation of a pattern:
- i start to feel there's a pattern which i can't break out of.
- i fear for my heart and sense of worth if i have to endure these extreme cycles for several years to come
- i'm not sure if this is called narcissism .... if it is then i have no idea of bringing this up to her without another fight breaking out.

reflections:
- for the longest time, I dont mind enduring as i feel i should put her needs above mine and she's everything to me.
- I feel I may never be able to reach her expectations (she hates it when i say this)
- for the past week or so, I have been day dreaming of just moving to a bachelor pad and do some healing and focus on myself for a while
- i also fear i would end up alone and wont find anyone like her anymore
- i know relationships need work/compromise/understanding. But I feel like i dont have anything left in me to give to her.
- i feel hollow sometimes and went into panic attack thinking of breaking up.
- but lately I also dream of a day when my partner can communicate openly to me when she's mad or sad. and not having me mindread like professor X

what i hope/did:
- i recently confronted her in a fight by starting to set my boundaries and pointing out the toxic silent treatments. But things doesn't look too good either as i'm in the midst of yet another silent treatment period.
- i hope for us to start a journey of healing and forgiving from both ends but i'm just very numb now and wish to be alone more than ever

thanks for reading and saga to be continued...

Would you want to be a househusband?, If given a choice

Ralna — Sun, 11 Jan 2026 17:08:25 +0800

I’ve been reflecting on something lately and I’m genuinely curious to hear what men think.

If given the choice, would you want to be a househusband?

Imagine this scenario. Your wife earns significantly more and is happy to be the main breadwinner.

In return, you:
- take care of the kids
- wake up early to prepare breakfast and send them to school
- manage household chores (cooking, cleaning, groceries, etc.)
- have the freedom to earn some pocket money through your hobbies or passion projects, if you wish
- still enjoy personal time, whether that’s gaming, going to the gym, or hanging out with friends

Your wife respects and appreciates your role in managing the household and doesn’t look down on you for earning less. She believes that having a father who is consistently present in the children’s lives is important.

She also works from home and co-parents actively, but prefers to focus most of her energy on building financial security for the family.

Would this kind of lifestyle appeal to you? Why or why not?

Belittling Your Partner - Healthy or Condescending, Here we go

redracer2004 — Fri, 02 Jan 2026 09:31:42 +0800

Now, I wanna talk about 1 interesting topic which is belittling your partner.

I seen my friend kena the wife saying loudly in front of us "Don't nerd always see pretty or not. See this guy, totally not handsome but I chose to marry him."

They just married mind you guys.

Do you think these banter are healthy?

anyone still see your ex in your dream?, waking up feeling sad

noobmaster_69 — Sun, 14 Dec 2025 10:07:41 +0800

so, we broke up for about 10-11 months but suddenly today i saw her in my dream. at first we were talking, picking her up from her work, but my car broke down and i went to garage. by the time, i turned around, i saw her waving at me and she jumped on another guy car... i woke up feeling sad.. i know it implies she has moved on with another guy... although it is just a dream but i still feel sad. anyone experience this before or just me?

Do guys need a nice car?,

Wholecats — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 19:10:29 +0800

I’m a single mid-30s guy in KL. Upper middle income, not rich. I still drive a 10 year old Proton that I got from my fresh grad job. Still drives and looks ok.

I own and stay at a nice condo but drive a cheap car. I probably have the cheapest car in terms of residual value of the entire condo car park.

Got out of a 3y+ relationship. Been single the past 1 year. I used to take pride in being prudent but recently I’ve been dating around (nothing stuck so far) and I do get self-conscious when my date sees me driving an old Proton.

Should I buy a new car so it reflects my current financial level (no longer fresh-grad salary)? I’m thinking of getting an EV actually. There’s still time before the tax incentives expire this year.

Some uncles having affair, Why happens let's discuss

JokerNymous — Mon, 08 Dec 2025 12:47:29 +0800

Modern men and women's relationship thread,

cicily — Fri, 05 Dec 2025 17:36:48 +0800

In an era where women are rewriting the rules of identity and partnership, many men are still flipping through an outdated manual on how relationships work. Diana’s letter arrives like a wake-up call wrapped in honesty - unfiltered and painfully accurate. She argues that the modern woman is no longer auditioning for the role of the obedient wife of the past, and that if men want love to thrive, the adaptation must come from their side. Her message is clear: the world has changed, women have evolved, and the definition of a gentleman must evolve with them.

https://gentlemanscodes.com/ask-the-gentlem...ther-way-around

To read: Gentleman's Code Magazine

Birthday date + new year celebration, Need suggestions

JokerNymous — Fri, 21 Nov 2025 09:05:43 +0800

Hey guys just wanted an idea since my girlfriend birthday on 31 Dec n next day is New year I planing to give a dinner treat but confuse where to bring.so any restaurant that can recommend with good ambiance.

Alot of location is in google and for food taste that what I concern might u guys can suggest KL area for me

Why are my peers finding my tastes strange?, I don't see it being wrong

redracer2004 — Thu, 09 Oct 2025 12:40:30 +0800

I read the other thread about dating younger men.

I am 40 this year and as most of you might know, I am divorced.

I do get attracted mainly to women in 20s and early 30s.

However my peers are calling me weird.

My mom keep asking if I and a 24 year old girl can be compatible or not.

My best friend keep telling me it is an anomaly to have a 20+ girl date a 40 year old guy.

I don't find my whole taste a problem but seems like my peers are making me doubt my choices.

Why can't a 40 year old man date 20+ women?

Dinner with friends (girl) - should I go?,

nicodemus88 — Tue, 07 Oct 2025 04:56:15 +0800

Hi all, just wanted to ask your advice on this.

I was invited by a friend (girl) at work for dinner at her place together with 2 other friends (from work as while, but I only know them by name & face). I am thinking of declining as I don't want to upset my girlfriend, but I really wanted to go as it will be a gathering of Malaysians.

To put into context, I am currently living in the UK and my girlfriend is from China. We've been together for almost 7 years now, engaged and planning to get married in a year. But sometimes, she can be emotionally insecure and gets jealous easily and whenever we have arguments, she'll end up saying things like "why don't you find a 同乡 (fellow countrymen) to be with" or "why don't you go back to your ex" or "why don't you find someone younger / cuter" etc.

Because of this, I'm very self-aware whenever making friends. Before moving to the UK, I have 2 very close colleagues at work (girl) in which I have no romantic attraction to whatsoever - only gratitude because they helped me out a lot when I first started - but had to make things cordial just because my girlfriend is jealous of them. Here, I try not to be so friendly with girls and only know this one Malaysian girl in the office next door. We're just normal work acquaintances, and because it's a small building after all, she introduced me to the 2 other Malaysians in the building. Oh, and all 3 of them are Malaysian Chinese if that helps.

I think as are typical of Malaysian overseas, we like to have gatherings and cook local food that we miss - which is what this dinner is about. I'm looking forward to eat local food and just talk together as fellow Malaysians, but I'm just afraid to go because I don't want to upset my girlfriend.

What do forumers here think? Should I go? How can guys make close friends with the opposite gender without inciting jealousy from their partner - is it impossible?

Thank you.

ps. Please no flaming comments like "why you chose someone from China" or "you should just break up" or something similar without knowing me nor my circumstance. I genuinely wanted advice on how to navigate this, understand a women's heart and whether it is improper for attached men to have friends from the opposite gender.

man/husband have you ever feel this?,

latipbogiba — Mon, 06 Oct 2025 15:39:56 +0800

we as man we have feeling.
most of us probably won't felt hurt or sorely or bitter for petty thing
whether either one us or both of us notice or not that we are making our partner bitter, as when the time goes by, and things happen again and again, the hurt become swell and swell become larger until cannot tahan and you burst.

others see it as, "eleh relaks lah. itu pun nak terasa."

if kawan or outside person done it, it doesn't hit hard as person you live together...

Would you date older women?, 1-5 years older than you

Ralna — Sun, 05 Oct 2025 11:02:52 +0800

After I announced I was single again in Sept 2024, about ten men pursued me in the months that followed. And this was without even touching dating apps.

What puzzled me, though, was that 4 of them were younger than me. Like… why? I was 35 then. I’ve always liked older men, so dating younger guys felt unfamiliar and a bit baffling.

Being myself, I made it difficult for those younger men—partly because I wasn’t confident in dating younger men, and partly because I was still healing from my breakup and emotionally tangled with the analyst guy back then.

I remembered a guy friend who once told me in 2023 that he didn’t like “xiao mei mei” (girls younger than him). He preferred older women and always pursued them. In fact, he married a woman four years his senior; she was 39 and he was 35.

*

Last month, out of curiosity, I asked some younger male friends, and they said they didn’t mind dating women 1–5 years older. They like the stability, care, and guidance that older women bring. It makes them feel safe, nurtured, and able to manja a little. Financially, older women tend to be more stable. The relationship works more like a balanced partnership, rather than the usual older-bf-younger-gf dynamic—which often comes with more drama and burden. To them, slightly older women are like “jie jie” (elder sister) they can trust and confide in.

They also said women in their twenties can feel needy, insecure, and high-maintenance with “princess syndrome”. Younger women are fun for sex, but draining for a relationship. Women in their thirties, on the other hand, are stable, mature, loyal, and serious.

Interesting perspective, right? Many unmarried women in their thirties are judged harshly as 剩女 (leftovers), but younger men apparently don’t see them this way.

I’m sharing this to hear more input; just trying to understand what younger men think and whether I should open myself to that possibility.... and maybe also give some hope to other older women.

40, male, zero experience, young-at-heart, why do I feel miss read and out of sync?

Fabrication — Sun, 28 Sep 2025 19:28:30 +0800

40, male here. Stable job, stable and good income, dated before but no sexual experience. Not a moral stance. it’s just how life unfolded.

Lately I get labeled “immature” because my mindset is pretty youthful.

With women closer to my age (mid-30s to mid-40s), things often feel complicated—everyone’s carrying history and sometimes it drifts into a transactional vibe.

With women a bit younger (mid-20s to mid-30s), I’ve noticed early career success can come with quick character judgments.

With women in their early 20s, I actually find it easier to connect. It’s not about “taking advantage”, I’m looking for a long-term, committed relationship. Being older makes me want to show up steady, respectful, and protective so we can build something simple and good.

Is this just me? Do I need to present myself differently? Any tips from people who’ve navigated:

Being 40+ with no sexual history

Getting misread as “immature” when you’re just upbeat/young-at-heart

Bridging different life stages without it feeling transactional

Posting this partly because modern dating is absurdly funny
also genuinely curious what others think. Roast me or coach me

TL;DR: 40, Male, no sexual history, young vibe. Same-age dating feels complex, early-20s adults feel easier to connect with. How do I avoid the “immature” label and find the right fit for a long-term relationship?

Beauty privilege,

yungkit14 — Wed, 24 Sep 2025 20:41:05 +0800

i have been in a long thought do beauty privilege exist in relationship as in the usual handsome ,pretty individual always gets the attentions, preety ones gets the guy protecting like a bodyguard. girl following them home etc?

While those average ones we need to work hard ,get her/him attention etc. NOT pointing to fairness in the world ,i am just curious the cycle of it ?

Like if we speak of that Kelantan doctor affair with just a few visit the ladies would be wetting for him and even the wife forgave him which i find it interesting.

where else some average people just gave up because they didn't expect what they want and go single forever because why not ?

Feeling perplexed on the hopes too.

Ghosted and Blocked,

penanghomes — Sat, 20 Sep 2025 23:09:54 +0800

I got to know this girl from gym- she works there.

One day- she called me up and said she was fired from her job. I got to know that she was having affair with the gym owner who is married.

Me being a gentlemen took her out for coffee to listen to hear her stories.

From that day on- she called me everyday- talking about everything. This go on for like 2 weeks- she would talk for hours.

I tried to help her get a job- constantly updating her any openings.

She got a job- then notice her behaviour change.

One day- she ghosted me and blocked me on whatsapp. No reason given.

I felt quite bad- sumting like im being used.

I wonder what wrong i did

P.S : During our phone conversations- i did mention to her that i like her as a FRIEND only.